


Holes In The Sky

by redscarfninja



Category: Naruto
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Character Death, Depression, Developing Friendships, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Feels, Friendship, Hate to Love, Healing, Heartbreak, Humor, Inspired by Music, Jealousy, Learning from mistakes, Mental Breakdown, Mild Language, Mistakes, One-Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Insert, Sibling Bonding, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Social Anxiety, Song Lyrics, Survivor Guilt, Unrequited Crush, protective older brother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 22:08:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 29,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14222802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redscarfninja/pseuds/redscarfninja
Summary: In a world where she had to choose her words carefully lest she choke to death, she ought not be surprised when things don't go her way. Little did she know, the smallest, most unintentional of things could make all the difference… though sometimes not for the better. SELF INSERT/OC.





	1. Rise Above This

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on FF.Net back in 2016, and now I've decided to post it here. I took a much needed break from this for a while because I was going through a lot, but now I think I'm ready to return to it. I won't make any promises on updates, because it depends on whether people are interested or not. If there's no interest, then I'll dedicate my time elsewhere.
> 
> IMPORTANT: I'm warning everybody in advance that I write slow, almost sloth-like. This is due to life obligations, medical issues and my struggle with writing in general. I'm telling you this now so you know what you're getting into if you decide to follow.
> 
> RELATIONSHIPS/ROMANCE: I want everybody to know that when I first planned this story, I only had romance in mind at the time. It won't focus on romance at the start because there are more important topics/things to deal with, plus the characters are merely children right now, but romance will come eventually, as they age. It will be slow burning - the slowest burns in the history of burns, and will hopefully become something beautiful. I'm going to keep the pairings secret, for now, because reasons.
> 
> NOTE ONE: This will start out extremely light hearted, but it will get darker. There will be blood, there will be gore, there will be swearing/cursing and maybe smex if you would like to read some naked fun. If you don't like the sound of that, then I highly suggest you don't read it.
> 
> NOTE TWO: This story is named after a song, each chapter will be named after a song, meaning it will have a soundtrack. I have made a playlist on youtube and when I post a new chapter, I will add the next song(I'll post the link eventually, youtube won't load for me right now). I've also included a link on each chapter title, so for the easy way, just click the title. It's completely optional of course, but each song will relate to the chapter, giving the chapter more… feeling. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my oc and her foul mouth. I would also like to say that although she is a self insert, she is not me. I don't know if self inserts are actually the authors in disguise as the name suggests, but… no, she is not me.

[Holes In The Sky](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mP9nOtu3IU)

**Chapter One**

[Rise Above This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3La-qvOiSw)

* * *

_~take the light, and darken everything around me,  
call the clouds, and listen closely, I'm lost without you~_

* * *

 

She had always known she had lived before.

It was a feeling she had, deep inside; she had a certain awareness – a sixth sense she knew she wouldn't have possessed if she hadn't been born for the first time. She knew things no baby should have ever known without being taught. She knew how to open doors, how to clothe herself, how to go to the bathroom, though she couldn't psychically perform these acts herself. She was too young, too small and lacked the strength to be able to lift things or walk, so her parents had to do it for her.

But time passed and she grew older, stronger, wiser.

When she turned six months old, she was able to lift a plastic spoon. She had just enough power in her hand to keep it from slipping through her fingers and although that sounds impressive, the real feat was that she knew how to use it without practice.

She had been sat beside her father, who in turn sat at the kitchen table, facing her. She was strapped into a high chair and was waiting patiently for him to feed her.

"Here comes to choo choo."

It was the most delicious thing she had ever tasted in her whole six months of existence that she had to have more, but it was then her patience turned to impatience because he was going so damn  _slow_ that when he eventually brought her that choo choo, she snatched the spoon from his hand with as much strength as she could muster and shoved the end into her mouth.

He reared back, shocked, eyes wide and mouth agape.

She would have laughed at his comical expression if he hadn't been holding her food hostage. He came out of his stupor when she glared at him, eyes growing wet and he quickly placed it onto the shelf of her high chair, terrified that his wife would overhear her cries and beat him senseless for upsetting her. He then watched in amazement as she dug in, pride swelling in his chest and from that day onwards he called her his  _little genius_ and the more he said it, the more it went to her head because when she was old enough to both walk and talk, she would wear her baby blanket like a cape and toddle around the house shouting  _superbaby to the rescue!_

She loved the attention she received when she impressed him and would make it her goal to assist her family with anything she could in the hopes of obtaining more praise. The worst part was that they never let her forget it. Her brother would often tease her and would even go as far as to call her it in  _public._ People would ask, he would tell them, they would laugh, she would get red, he would smirk and then  _they_ would even go as far as to call her it.

She was at least thankful they weren't her first words. That would have been even  _more_ embarrassing. She actually rather liked her first word, loved it even. Whenever she was with her parents they would refer to themselves as  _mama_ and  _dada_ in the hopes of one of them being it. It was sort of a competition – who could say their title the most in her presence. It had started when her mother made a comment about how women were the superior gender and her, being a fellow female, would recognise her feminineness and pick her - that it was  _destiny,_ so she was bombarded with:

_Mama loves you._

_Dada loves you, too._

_Mama is going to change you now._

_Dada is going to read to you now._

Etcetera.

So imagine their surprise when it was her  _brother's_ name, and a male no less.

It happened in the garden. Her mother was sat against a tree with her on her lap, reading to her from a picture book. She would often point to the illustrations and make comments, but she was too young to understand and didn't really care enough to even  _try_ and process her words, so she looked elsewhere, at her father and brother.

They were doing… something  _bizarre_ looking and she was very,  _very_ confused.

Her mother noticed her attention had strayed and nudged her, but when it became apparent her teachings were falling on deaf ears, she gave up.

"Stubborn child." She huffed, closing the book before watching them with her.

They were at the other end of the garden and she couldn't for the life of her fathom what the hell they were doing. They were…  _flailing_ around in each other's personal space. She had only ever seen people walk or run, so it was new to her. It was later revealed that her father had been teaching him taijutsu, but as a one-year-old who was seeing it for the first time, it was of no surprise that she began to screech when her brother received a kick to the stomach that knocked him onto his back. She had known from experience that when you fall down, you get  _hurt_ and from what she saw, he fell down  _hard._

But in truth, it really wasn't that bad.

Her father had been gentle with him because he was only three and what looked like a brutal kick to her eyes was only a light tap. He toppled over with an  _oof_ and was back on his feet within seconds, uninjured and ready to continue.

Tears streamed down her cheeks and her mother tried to calm her down; she held her close, stroked her hair, whispered  _it's okay_ into her ear over and over, but she refused to listen because her brother was  _hurt,_ damnit. She was too busy grappling with her mother's arms to notice her brother's approach and it wasn't until a shadow cast over her that she became aware of his presence at her side. She looked up and immediately ceased her wailing, eyes roving his form for injuries.

"Do you see, Asami?" Her mother asked as she rubbed her arms comfortingly. "He's okay."

She leaned towards him, amazed that he had survived such a thing and he shifted from one foot to the other, uncomfortable being under her intense gaze and looked off to the side, embarrassed.

Her father crouched down in front of her, rested back on his haunches as he pulled his sleeve over his hand and then gently dabbed around her eyes, but she pulled her head away, gave him her best  _how dare you_ glare and then reached for the hem of her brother's shirt and tugged it, sniffling.

"As'ma!"

Hiruzen's hand froze.

Biwako gasped.

Silence.

Asuma's embarrassment vanished in an instant and he stared down at her in wonder, eyes flickering back and forth between her own. She tugged on his shirt more forcefully, upset that he hadn't responded when suddenly a triumphant grin broke out onto his face. He looked up at his parents as if to say  _ha, in your face!_

Hiruzen pulled his hand away and rested his arms over his knees, smiling down at her with pride before giving his wife a smug look. "What was that about women and destiny?"

Safe to say, she kicked his ass.

That moment brought Asami and Asuma closer and when he wasn't training with Hiruzen, he would spend most of his time with her. They would play games, joke around and train together and from the ages three to seven, she learned taijutsu and medical ninjutsu.

Her taijutsu was mediocre at best.

She just wasn't  _fast_ enough and no matter how hard she tried, she could never beat Asuma, even when he went easy on her. He let her win once and it was so painfully obvious that she had wanted to scream and punch him in his stupid face. She had charged at him and his pitiful attempt at dodging was so suspiciously slow that he barely moved and she hit him in the shoulder, knocking him down. The rules were  _the first one to hit the ground loses_ and he touched his shoulder and smiled up at her in supposed approval.

She narrowed her eyes, catching onto his deceit. "Stop it!"

He feigned confusion, tone of voice all too innocent. "Stop what?"

"Stop holding back!" She stomped her foot childishly, then pointed at him. "I'll never improve if you keep doing it!"

He scratched the back of his neck, sighed and looked away, reluctance evident.

She ground her teeth together, prepared to shout some more, but then she was struck with an idea and a sly smile crept onto her face. "If you don't stop, I'll tell mother you're treating me unfairly because I'm a girl." She watched with smug satisfaction as he paled and shot to his feet, arms held out in front of himself protectively.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop!" he panicked, knowing he'd get an earful.

He never went easy on her again and even though she spent most of her time on the ground, she felt better because she had made him see her as a  _ninja_ and not some delicate little flower. It helped her taijutsu a little, but not much. She still sucked, but what she lacked she made up for in medical ninjutsu. She wasn't  _amazing_ because her chakra control needed work and she still had so much to learn, but it was something she thoroughly enjoyed and she would often spend time with her mother at the hospital to observe her work.

Her interest in medical ninjutsu sparked when a bird had fallen out of the tree in their garden. She had been training with Asuma when she heard a thump, followed by chirping and she turned around, spotting a small, feathered lump on the grass, then stumbled forwards when he landed a kick on her back.

She righted her footing and then looked back at him, aghast. "Are you  _blind?"_  she snapped, rubbing her back. "I stopped!"

His eyebrows shot up high in disbelief, then he squinted. She couldn't be serious. "Yes, you stopped!" he snapped back. "While I was in the air, mid kick!"

She whirled around, hands on hips. "You should have faster reflexes!" she retorted with a glare.

He made a face at her hypocrisy and stepped closer, voice rising to match her own. "So should  _you!"_

She raised her chin, looked at him through narrowed eyes, then nodded, accepting defeat. "Touché."

He let out a long, frustrated breath through his nose, then glanced behind her when he heard chirping. She spun around, suddenly remembering why she had stopped in the first place and ran towards the tree with Asuma in tow, albeit at a much slower, less caring pace. She hunkered down in front of the bird, worried. It's wing had been damaged; it protruded at an odd angle and she reached for it, but then her wrist was seized.

"Don't touch it," Asuma commanded and when she looked up at him questioningly, he gestured towards it with a jerk of his chin. "You don't know where it's been. It could have a disease."

She yanked her wrist out of his grip, appalled and enraged by his lack of empathy for woodland creatures and scooped it up, heedless of his warning. She then stood and levelled him with a glare.  _"You_ could have a disease!" she growled, kicked him in the shin and then sped into the house, leaving him to clutch his injured appendage in peace.

She then sought out her mother and begged her to heal it. She did so without question and when that bird flapped its wings again, it was the most rewarding feeling in the world. She then strived to be the best she could possibly be in the hopes of saving a life one day, no matter how small.

She was so happy, so content, so  _blessed_ to have such a family that she wasn't prepared for what happened next.

 _That_ day arrived.

She never knew why she regained her memories, nor how it was possible, but they were triggered by just simply  _looking_ at something and if that was the case, why hadn't it happened sooner?

Why her brother's graduation ceremony of all days?

There were potential triggers  _everywhere –_ leaf headbands, kunai, shuriken.

_Jutsu._

All of it, right under her nose.

She had also stumbled upon her fair share of things in her own house – scrolls, open-toed boots, mesh. Hell, even her father's goddamn hokage  _cloak,_ but it wasn't triggered until she saw  _that_ mountain on  _that_ day, which made no sense whatsoever because she had seen that mountain a thousand times before.

But the more she thought about it, the more she believed it to be a sign. She had a feeling it had something to do with Asuma because it began the moment he walked out of those academy doors, headband tied firmly around his head. One minute she was watching him and the next she was looking to the right, beyond the wall. She didn't know what it was that had her turning – some inconceivable force, a feeling, she wasn't sure, but when she saw those huge faces towering over her, she was hit with such an intense wave of déjà vu that she staggered back a few steps, stunned and bumped into her mother's side.

The feelings those faces inspired within her were so confusing and downright unbearable that she wanted to  _die._

An electric shock-like sensation buzzed inside her head – it rang loud and fleeting in her ears before it travelled down her spine. She felt paralysed, but she wasn't, not really because her mother had put both of her hands onto her face in an attempt to meet her eyes.

"Asami, what is it?"

She was pulling her head away, desperate, eyes straining as far to the right as they would go until all her mother could see was white.

Images danced before her eyes, merged with the very faces themselves and she  _saw_ things – things from a time before she was Asami Sarutobi, people she had forgotten existed, things she believed to be fiction, things from a  _television series_ and for some unfathomable reason she was in it.

She was utterly terrified and all she could do was stare up at those faces as her heart filled with so much dread she wished it had stopped beating. She believed herself to be insane, that her past self was in a coma somewhere and this was all some messed up dream her mind conjured to pass the time. She felt so helpless, so far from home that she had collapsed and screamed her throat raw for her mother – the one from her first life. She couldn't remember her name, or even her face, but she remembered her presence and she  _needed_ it.

It caused quite the spectacle; nobody in the vicinity could understand why she would cry out for her mother and then push her away whenever she neared.

Upon hearing his sister's ear-piercing screams, Asuma rushed to her side. He knelt down in front of her, eyebrows raised in concern as he touched her shoulder, but then flinched because  _she_ flinched and scrambled across the ground away from him, arms crossed over her face, trembling like a leaf.

"What  _happened?"_ Asuma asked, looking up at his ashen mother for answers.

She didn't respond, only stared down at her daughter in horrified shock.

He looked back at his sister, meeting her eyes as she examined him through the gap in her arms, taking in as much detail as she could to try and help her  _understand_ because suddenly her brother was  _Asuma Sarutobi._ She was so frightened, so confused because he was fictional –  _wasn't he?_ – and her life suddenly felt like one big  _lie_ and she wanted it to end.

She then began to hyperventilate and was later taken into hospital because it escalated into a full blown panic attack. She couldn't remember the journey because she had blacked out, but when she came back to herself she stared hard at the ceiling, mind working in overdrive as she tried to decipher the puzzle that was her life. She gathered as many pieces as she could – her last moments there, her first moments here, her old family, her new family, the series itself, but none of it seemed to fit because no matter how she looked at it, it just didn't make sense. She had been alive and well and then suddenly she was Asami Sarutobi being spoon fed by the third  _hokage_.

Hushed voices disrupted her thoughts.

She moved her head to look at the door from where they came, but stopped short when she caught Asuma's worried, questioning gaze. She could do nothing but stare like a deer in headlights as he immediately straightened and pulled his flimsy plastic chair closer to her bedside. She took a deep, shaky breath and steeled herself for the inevitable, but when nothing happened she drew her eyebrows together in confusion – she was due an interview, yet he asked no questions, instead he remained quiet and watched her with an indescribable expression that left her feeling slightly unnerved.

He looked away with a frown, torn. He had planned on asking her about it, but her fearful expression had him reconsidering, so for now he just placed his arm onto the bed, his hand inches from her own. He made no move to close the distance and there was no pressure for her to, either and her heart clenched painfully at the gesture. He would do things like that whenever she was upset and just didn't want to  _talk –_  he would reach out in subtle ways whether it be leaving his bedroom door open at night or sitting beside her as she watched the sky – all of them, as different as they come, but all with the same meaning.

 _I'm here if you need me_.

Even after witnessing something so terrible he held the questions at bay for her sake and she was thankful, so very  _thankful_ because she wasn't ready and he knew that. Her vision blurred as she fought back tears. She didn't know how she would even begin to explain such a thing, or if he'd believe it. It then dawned on her that if this wasn't real, if this truly was a coma induced dream, then there was a chance she could wake up and although that meant she would see her mother again, it also meant she would lose him in exchange. That terrified her because figment of her imagination or not, he was still her brother in some crazy, fucked up way and she wanted him here with her and not out there with a television screen between them.

She lost the battle against her tears, they spilled over as she lifted her trembling hand from the mattress and closed the distance. She gingerly touched the back of his hand and his fingers twitched in response; he then slowly upturned it and enveloped her fingers within his own before giving them a light, reassuring squeeze.

She covered her face with her forearm and nodded into her sleeve.

 _Yes, I need you_.

She didn't talk for a while after that; months passed by and still she hadn't spoken a word. She spent most of her time locked away inside her bedroom, ignoring her parents and life itself as she tried to come to terms with it all. The only person she didn't ignore was her brother and whenever she  _did_ emerge from her bedroom, she would make her way to the garden and he would join her. They would sit together in the sun and he would talk about meaningless things just to fill the silence.

She didn't respond, but she listened.

His voice was a welcome distraction from thoughts of  _her;_ his presence eased the pain in her heart and just when she thought everything would be okay, he had to leave on a mission and  _she_ would return and drag her back down into the depths of despair. She was always there, in her thoughts, her dreams and waking hours, and when she wasn't, she was waiting, and whenever Asuma went away for days at a time, she would consume her.

She would deal with it on her own as best she could, but when it got too much for her she would seek out her father. He wasn't always available because of his hokage duties, but sometimes when he learned she was outside his office he would adjust his schedule so she could sit with him. He would give her a book to read or a simple job to do and would watch her from the corner of his eye as he sifted through his paperwork. He had long given up asking questions because she remained tight lipped, so he would attempt small talk instead and although it wasn't as helpful as Asuma's, it was still better than nothing.

She just needed someone during her brother's absence and her mother from  _this_ world was out of the question, no matter how convenient her location was. She had been given time off from the academy to recover and Biwako allowed house calls so she could be with her, but she avoided her at every turn. She refused to be in her company, she felt like she was betraying  _her_ and so when her mother was distracted with a patient, she would sneak out and trek all the way to the hokage tower to escape  _both_ of them.

The first time she showed up at his office he had been furious that she had been allowed so far outside on her own, but once he calmed down and after much consideration, he believed it best for her. He had spent so much time trying to coax her out of her bedroom it was a miracle she had gotten that far without Asuma and he hated the thought of his seven year old depressive daughter wandering the village alone, so he stationed an anbu outside of their house so that whenever she went for a walk, she would have someone watching over her every step and keeping her safe.

She remained oblivious for a while, but she had her suspicions when she caught a glimpse of an anbu on the day she wandered onto one of the training grounds.

Asuma had been gone for almost a week on a mission outside of the village and it was his longest one yet. Hiruzen was up to his neck in paperwork and when he got home he was tired and she only had an hour of his time before he retired for the night. She had no one but  _her_ for company; she haunted her, her memory growing stronger every day until she couldn't take it any more. She missed her  _so much_ and she needed to feel her somehow. She needed something,  _anything,_ to bridge the gap between them, so she left the house in search of the biggest rock she could find.

She spent a good few hours roaming the streets, playgrounds and forests until she stumbled upon one of the training grounds where she spotted one at the base of a tree, half buried among the soil and leaves. She dropped to her knees and clawed at the dirt until it was free. She didn't have the strength to lift it, so she had to drag it across the grass, inch by painful inch. She lost her breath quickly and her arms hurt with the exertion, but she refused to give up and she was so determined, so focused on her task, she didn't hear someone approach until a deep voice spoke out.

"Would you like some help with that?"

She jumped and jerked her head to the side, but kept her eyes to the ground. She didn't want to see anybody and she certainly didn't want anybody to see her, so she paid him no heed and returned her attention to the stone, hoping he would get the hint and go away, but the longer he stood, the more she realised he was  _not_ going to go away and that was proven when he broke the silence.

"You're Asami Sarutobi, right?"

Sighing, she looked up to see who dared interrupt, only to freeze when she met blue eyes. Images flashed throughout her brain once again and the longer she stared, the more familiar he became and once it was over, she was left breathless. She suddenly  _knew_ him and after a few moments of staring like a fool, she gathered her wits and gripped the rock tighter and tugged it with all her might, which made no difference whatsoever because it weighed more than her and she had stupid, weak child arms. She just had to get out of there; she felt uncomfortable being in his presence because it was  _Minato Namikaze_ and it was  _his_ training ground she was stealing a rock from and she was paranoid he'd stop her.

"If you really want to move that rock, you should let me help you."

She paused.

His offer  _was_ tempting, but she was reluctant to accept because it meant something to her. She felt obligated to do it herself, but it was obvious that there was no chance she would get it home without help, so she grudgingly agreed. She stepped back to give him room and noticed he held a few scratched up kunai in his hands. It was approaching dusk and she deduced he had been training – with who, she didn't know, but after a quick scan of the area she was relieved to find he was alone. He put them in his pouch, then crouched low and picked it up with ease. She balled her hands into fists, jealous that he was capable of such a feat. He then shot her an expectant look and she quickly averted her eyes, then pointed in the direction of her home.

"Alright, then."

It was then she saw the anbu. His mask was the only thing visible – it resembled a monkey; a white and red speck amongst the green as he watched her from the trees behind them and she unconsciously edged closer to Minato's side. It made her nervous so she turned away, but curiosity got the better of her and she was soon turning back. She blinked, glanced around, confused. She saw nothing; he was gone and she wondered if he really had been there or if she had lost her mind after all.

She chose not to dwell on it any longer and continued her journey home… awkwardly. She felt intimidated – walking beside her was one of the most powerful ninja to ever exist, the one to become the fourth hokage and she had somehow roped him into lugging around a giant rock. She felt small, weak and pathetic in comparison and couldn't help but think why on earth would he want to help someone like her? She was convinced the people around them thought the same because she could hear whispers. She lowered her head and pretended they were  _not_ staring because if she acknowledged them, she knew she would break down and give them yet another reason to believe she was unstable.

One of the reasons included shamelessly staring at anyone who crossed her path to try and figure out if she knew them from the series. That was back when she still thought it was a dream, but as time passed it became apparent that it was indeed real and she was mortified that she had acted that way. She had no way of defending her actions, no plausible excuse for her behaviour and so she was deemed the hokage's  _crazy daughter_. It hurt just thinking about it.

"Your father has told me a lot about you," Minato said, noticing her distress and wanting to give her a distraction.

It took her a moment to realise he was talking to her and her eyes darted towards him anxiously. This was the part where someone would attempt to pry into her life to sate their curiosity and she watched him with growing unease.

He was looking ahead with a profound expression on his face, then eyed the people around them in silent warning. Some looked away, chastised. "You have an aptitude for medical ninjutsu, which is rare for one so young."

Her eyes went wide because she hadn't expected that. She was sure he would have brought up those past months just like everybody else because that was all they chose to see, but he looked past that and praised her which was something nobody had done in a long while. He didn't know her personally, yet he went out of his way to help her and compliment her ninjutsu. She stared up at him, floored, unsure how to respond.

He glanced at her sidelong. "It's a difficult art to master and you might feel like giving up, but there may come a day when you will need it most." He looked ahead again, eyes distant. "And if that day ever comes, all that effort will have been worth it."

She looked down and mulled over his words. She didn't understand them at first because she was too wrapped up in thoughts of  _her,_ but when they came to her on one of her most frightening nights, everything suddenly became clear and she knew exactly what she had to do, even if it meant giving up a part of herself in exchange. It was one of the hardest things she had ever had to do, but she got through it because she had his other words to guide her.

"It will get better," he said as he set the rock down beside the tree in her garden. She frowned, confused, watching as he pulled a cloth from his pocket and began wiping the dirt from his hands. "Things can get painful and not everybody will understand you." His eyes grew serious. "But the light will shine again." His eyebrows knit together as if he was the one experiencing such a pain. "You just have to look for it. It's there, I promise you." He held out his cloth and when she took it from his hands, she knew she would never forget that moment for as long as she lived. He changed her life with those words, though they didn't take effect right away because she was too far gone with grief, but when they did they changed her life for the better and she would never be able to repay that debt.

Biwako had watched the whole exchange from the back porch and before he left, he gave her a wave to which she nodded in return. She didn't move from her position, but she regarded her daughter with studious concern and Asami stormed into the house, no longer wanting to be under her scrutinising gaze. She had something more important to do, so she fetched a bucket of water and a sponge from the kitchen and when she re-entered the garden, Biwako was still there. She could feel her watchful eyes on her back as she scrubbed the stone and she exhaled angrily through her nose because she didn't want her there. She didn't want her to  _see_ and when Biwako finally retreated into the house, her shoulders relaxed.

Once the stone was free of grime, she decorated it with flowers and sat in front of it every day.

She knew her mother wasn't dead, she was just in a different universe, but she may as well have been because she was forever out of her reach. It wasn't really her grave, she knew that. It didn't bring her closer to her, either, but she needed to hold onto that thread between them, so she kidded herself into believing she was right there, beside her. She was so immersed in that rock the following weeks that nobody could pull her away from it, not even Asuma. She had forged a connection and was unwilling to give it up, so she sat before it day after day, rearranging flowers and carving things onto the surface. She had inscribed  _I miss you_ ringed with hearts and kisses. She was unable to write  _mother,_ her hand wouldn't let her and she thought it down to grief, but she soon found out that it most definitely was  _not_.

Higher forces were at work; the cruel fate the universe bestowed upon her only got more cruel when she discovered her handicap. It was revealed when she spoke again for the first time. She was sat in front of the stone, weaving flower stems into a braid when she heard Asuma sigh from the back porch. It had gotten too much for him to see her fall so far and he couldn't keep the questions to himself any longer. He had reached his limit and she didn't blame him – if the situation had been reversed she would have done the same.

He sat down beside her and asked the question everybody had been thinking. "Asami… what  _is_ this?"

He looked at her and she eventually looked back with pained eyes because that one question, from him, did it. She couldn't keep quiet any more, she needed to talk to someone about it even if there was a chance they didn't believe her. She spoke for the very first time in months and his eyes widened at the sound, unable to believe she had finally broken her silence, but then they were wide with worry when she began gasping.

"This is my-"

There was a sudden pressure in her throat – she felt like she was holding her breath and trying to talk at the same time, and the only way she could breathe again was when she stopped trying. She clutched her throat, face growing red from the effort and stared at him in shock.

He sat up and grabbed her shoulders to keep her steady. "Whoa, hey- what's happening?"

When she caught her breath, she tried again. "This is my-"

The pressure returned and no matter how hard she tried to say  _this is my mother's grave,_ the words wouldn't come out. That along with her inability to even write  _I miss you mother_ set off warning bells in her head. The universe didn't want anybody to know she had a past life and that she knew their future. If she tried to speak about it, she lost her ability to breathe. If she tried to write about it, her hand was held back by an invisible force. She was trapped inside her head and that brought her down even further. She crashed into Asuma's chest and sobbed into his shirt because in that moment, she realised she was alone in this. Nobody would know of her inner turmoil, nobody would know what lay beneath the surface, nor the reason behind her tears – they would live in blissful ignorance and  _they_ would be okay, she had thought resentfully.

She also discovered at a later time that she was unable to speak about things she knew from the series until it was spoken aloud by someone else or she read it from a book, because  _this_ her wouldn't have known about it. It remained caged inside until somebody came along with that piece of knowledge and unlocked it, allowing her to speak freely without the fear of being choked to death and she hated every minute of it.

She got used to it, though.

She got  _better_.

But when it happened for the first time in that garden, she spiralled lower than she ever had before and even contemplated taking her own life, but was stopped by a dream – or more accurately, a  _nightmare_.

It began on a beautiful, sunny day and there was a man. His skin was pitch black with white markings that resembled a skeleton. He stood above a symbol drawn in blood and he was laughing manically. It was terrifying, truly a horrible sound and then he impaled himself… and then suddenly he was  _Asuma,_ bleeding from a fatal wound to the heart under a shower of rain and she started awake.

Even with her eyes open she saw nothing else, heard nothing else; his laughter rang in her ears as her brother's blood mixed with the rain and she grew nauseous, pale like the sheets around her. She peeled them from her damp skin and clambered out of bed before making her way to the door on unsteady legs. She fumbled for the handle, desperate to escape that horrid sound and when she entered the hall, it only got louder. By the time she reached Asuma's already open door, she was crying and she increased her pace until she was at his bedside. He was sprawled on his back and was snoring obnoxiously and she crept onto the mattress. It dipped under her weight, rousing him from his sleep and he peered at her through half closed eyelids.

His voice was scratchy from sleep and he rolled onto his side to face her. "Hmm? Can't sleep again?"

A lump rose in her throat. "Something like that."

He scooted over to make room and lifted his arm. She lay down beside him and snuggled into his embrace, buried her face into his chest and inhaled his scent, then released a long, calming breath. He was there and he was okay.

" _There may come a day when you will need it most, and if that day ever comes, all that effort will have been worth it."_

She understood what Minato meant, then. His words rang true and it occurred to her that Asuma may have been the reason why she wanted to become a medic in the first place. It was a possibility that his death lingered within her subconscious mind and it refused to let him die, forcing her to train hard to save a life she hadn't known was in danger until that night. She laid awake for hours, mind reeling before she was eventually lulled to sleep by the steady beating of his heart.

The next day, she could think of nothing else – not even  _her_. She was lost to her, she knew that. Asuma, however, was not. She didn't want to lose him, too. He was her world, her anchor and that was the moment she decided to change herself. She had to train, had to bring herself back from the edge and prove that she was  _not_ crazy and that she could become just as good a ninja as anyone else. She had to become strong because she refused to let another person exit her life and in order for her to reach her goal, she had to let  _her_ go. She had to stop living in the past, so she did what was necessary and strode into that garden with a hammer in her hand. It took her a while to pluck up the courage, but when his face as he lay dying drifted to the fore of her thoughts, she snapped.

She slammed the hammer down onto the rock, over and over, severing the thread between them until there was nothing left but pebbles and dust. The silence that followed was disturbed by her harsh breathing only and she closed her eyes to accept what she had just done, mentally said her goodbyes and then turned around and walked away – away from her past self and away from her.

" _The light will shine again. You just have to look for it. It's there, I promise you."_

She entered the house with a small, forced smile and a lone tear rolling down her cheek.

 _I hope so_.

She gradually healed, driven by her undying need to save her brother and the first step was opening up to her family again. It was hard, it was awkward – with her mother especially, but she needed her if she was to improve her skills as a medic. She felt ashamed because that was the only reason she had to talk to her at the time and when she did, Biwako stopped what she had been doing instantly and stared at her with such intensity she began to sweat. She took a nervous step backwards, losing confidence with each passing second.

"What did you just say?" Her mother asked, not quite believing her ears.

Asami fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "Hi..." She looked off to the side, red faced, then looked back when she got no response.

Biwako donned an unguarded expression and Asami could see it all – shock, disbelief,  _hope –_  before she masked them and cleared her throat. "Hi," she said evenly, placing her hands on her lap.

Bolstering her courage, she forced herself to continue. "So, I wanted to- I was just, uh, that is- I need to-" She wanted to slap herself because she sounded like a complete  _moron,_ but Biwako seemed to know what she wanted to say because she rose to her feet and took a few cautious steps towards her.

Asami resisted the urge to flinch when she neared and when she looked up into her eyes, she squared her shoulders.  _For Asuma_. "I wanted to say that I'm okay, and that I'm… sorry." She said quietly, looking away, expression rueful.

She didn't respond again, so she chanced a peek up at her.

She was looking down at her long and hard and just as she was about to excuse herself because she was making her uncomfortable, Biwako pulled her into a hug so fierce she could barely breathe. Surprise flared throughout her entire nervous system and she pushed against her in an attempt to free herself – she was going too fast, she wasn't ready and before she could do something she would regret, she held her head close to her chest and  _scolded_ her.

"You silly,  _silly_ child." Her firm tone was laced with the unquestionable love of a mother and she stilled. She had been too absorbed in her own issues that she had stopped seeing her as the mother she was and her arms fell to her sides at the revelation. All she could see was the beige material of her gown as she held her to her heart and she was unable to stop the tears from spilling over as several months worth of guilt built up inside her. She didn't hug her back, she was too stunned to do anything but stand like a lifeless doll in her arms.

The hope they had of rekindling their relationship was nothing but a pipe dream, but they were making progress. It hadn't returned to how it used to be, but she no longer left the room when she entered which was an improvement. She was too ashamed of herself to fully reach out to her should she reject her and she knew that train of thought was total bullshit, but she was a paranoid person. She was nervous around her, unable to act like a normal human being in her presence and there should be a reward for the amount of times one says  _hi_ in an awkward manner.

Asami got back into the habit of observing her work and when she thought she was ready, she resumed her teachings. She begged her father to let her back into the academy, but he shot down that notion fast. It had only been a few weeks since she came back out of her shell and he was unsure as to whether it was a temporary thing or not, but after badgering him consistently for hours on end, he agreed that if she spoke about it no more and showed signs of improvement, he would consider her request. She asked for books in the meantime – ones like they had in the academy, so that if he did allow her to return she wouldn't be out of the loop.

She read, trained and healed under their vigilant eyes and word of her recovery had gotten out because her best friend came to visit. She had stopped by a thousand times before, but she had put her along with everything else on the back burner, so she didn't even think to respond. Her friend was told that she wasn't ready to see anybody, but when she walked back into her life, she wished she had been. She didn't realise how much she missed her until she saw her again.

It was late afternoon and she was sitting in her bed, reading one of her books when her mother's voice sounded from the bottom of the stairs.

"Asami, your friend is here to see you. Should I send her up?"

She tossed her book aside and sprang out of bed, stumbling a little when her legs got caught in her sheets. "Y-Yes!"

Her friend was at her door within seconds. She saw her shadow shift through the crack before she pushed it open and peeked inside, and the second she did she was assaulted by another sequence of images when she saw her face and she fought to remain impassive throughout it's entirety.

It was another inconvenient quirk the universe dumped on her – even though she knew people from this world, she didn't remember the majority from the series until she laid eyes on them again and only remembered the minority through a chain reaction; people she hadn't met were interwoven within the memories she received about someone  _else_ and each encounter unlocked one after the other and sometimes not at all. There were people she had seen many times over, yet their true identity remained unknown, only to be revealed at a later time or never and if she did remember, she didn't remember everything. Their stories revealed themselves in time, much like the nightmare she had of Asuma's death, to which she learned the identity of his killer through said chain reaction.

It was soon over and she furrowed her brow, looked her up and down because her best friend Rin was  _Rin_ and she couldn't believe it.

Rin closed the door with a click and then came no further, unwilling to fully enter her domain lest she change her mind and send her away. "Remember me?" she teased with a shy, hesitant smile.

Asami inwardly scoffed at her poor choice of words because yes, she did, but not in the way she would think. She then pushed her sudden knowledge to the back of her mind because screw the series, she was her friend first and foremost and she needed to apologise for virtually forgetting her during her harrowing lapse.

Her face was a mix between shame and guilt and she stepped forwards, outstretched her arm. "Rin..." she trailed off, not sure how to proceed, but then Rin charged forwards and wrapped her arms around her neck, knocking the wind right out of her and pushing her back a few steps.

"I heard you were doing better," Rin spoke softly. "And I thought- I thought maybe you'd want to see me this time."

There was a stab of pain in her heart.

 _Oh, Rin_.

She had caused that insecurity within her and she longed for a chance to go back in time and prevent it. She would have done so many things differently had she known the outcome and saved so many people from heartache.

Rin pulled away and Asami was moved to see tears. "You're okay now?" she asked hopefully with a vulnerable gleam in her eye and she  _hated herself_.

She nodded once. "I'm okay, I'm fine." She touched her arm gently, assuringly.

Rin laughed and hugged her again, even tighter than before. "Welcome  _back,"_ she whispered and after a few unresponsive seconds, she returned the embrace, tears forming in her own eyes.

"Yeah," she said dumbly, voice thick with emotion. "I'm back."

Time went on like it always had and before she knew it, a year had passed since the day that started it all and she was  _fine_. She still thought of  _her,_ of course she did, but it didn't blind her to everything else any more. She was herself again, she had healed and Hiruzen finally allowed her to return to the academy. She had grown stronger both mentally and psychically and he could see that. It took a little over a month to pass the exam – it was a challenge, but she had trained hard, motivated by her brother and her brother alone and when she passed, she had at last taken her first steps into ninja-hood and was a step closer to her goal.

She graduated on the same day as Rin and was no longer required to attend classes because she would be training with her team and sensei instead, for which she was grateful because her second time in the academy wasn't that great.

People avoided her like the plague and she was often a victim of bullying.

 _Don't get too close, you'll catch her crazy_.

She retained a blank expression through it all, but it was tearing her up inside. It escalated rather quickly and the only people to come to her defence were Rin and Obito. He would threaten to kick their asses if they didn't back off and even got into a few fights and she was touched that he cared enough to go through pain for her. She had hoped to be on their team because she loved them dearly, but she had spent enough time around them that she had seen visions of Kakashi entwined within their stories. She remembered that  _he_ was on their team and she deflated, upset because it meant she would have to be on a team with two people in that room and she disliked them all, but the hope still remained.

She leaned forwards in anticipation when the teacher read out their names, then sighed, miserable all of a sudden. Her deduction had been correct and she loathed the idea of being on a team with anybody in her current proximity, but when her name was called and her team was revealed, she didn't know how to feel at first.

"Asami Sarutobi," the teacher called out and she heard a few snickers, followed by  _good luck to her team_ and Obito silenced them with a glare. "You're with Might Gai and Genma Shiranui."

She made a confused face.

_Who?_

She vaguely remembered someone in a jumpsuit, but she had never spoken to him. Genma, she hadn't a clue, but she was okay with it because at least it wasn't anybody in that room.

"Please go to your assigned rooms," the teacher ordered. "Those of you who are missing members will find them there."

When she found her assigned room, nothing could have prepared her for what she found inside, or  _who_ when memories of him spread throughout her brain with youthful vigour. She opened the door and was greeted by two pairs of curious eyes, one pair more so.

She swallowed and slid the door closed behind her. "...Hi."

"Hey," Genma replied casually as he chewed a senbon.

She didn't remember him, but the first thought that popped into her head was that he looked  _cool_ and before she could think any more, there was a sudden flash of green in her eye. She jumped because Gai was suddenly in her face and she backed up against the door, startled, and when he reached for her hand she heard a voice distantly in the back of her mind screaming  _youth_ and  _oh my fucking god._

"Asami Sarutobi." He smiled broadly. "It's a pleasure to meet you." He brought her hand to his lips and she was too caught off guard to respond because she was on a team with  _Gai_. He didn't comment on her silence, instead he dragged her away from the door. "Come, sit." He pushed her down onto a seat and then plopped down next to her. "My name is Might Gai." He put a thumb to his chest, then gestured behind her. "And this here is Genma Shiranui." She threw him a friendly smile over her shoulder, but turned back just as fast when Gai's voice almost ruptured her eardrums. "We are honoured to have you on our team."

She eyed him dubiously. She couldn't tell if he was being genuine or lying to spare her feelings because nobody wanted her on their team, so why would they? Then again, from what she remembered he was a nice guy… weird, but nice.

She didn't have time to spare it a second thought because the door opened and in walked an enormous man with long, spiky red hair. She straightened in her seat, tensed when his eyes landed on her, but relaxed a second after because his smile was kind.

"Asami, welcome to our team. Your father has told me a lot about you." Apparently, her father talked about her a lot. "We have been waiting for a third member to complete our team for a while now and we're happy to have you."

"Y-Yeah… thank you," she said quietly, looking down at the table.

He introduced himself as Choza Akimichi and once he was done with his speech, he instructed them to meet at training ground three the following morning at 9am, and then they were dismissed. She was eager to leave so she could show Asuma her headband, so she uttered out a quick  _nice to meet you_ and then fled the room. She was halfway down the hall when Rin emerged from her assigned room, followed by the rest of her team and when Minato spotted her, his expression turned soft.

He closed the door behind them all and approached her. "Congratulations on making genin, you've come a long way."

Rin and Obito looked at each other quizzically and she blushed, too embarrassed to do anything but smile and nod bashfully as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Your family will be proud." His smile was warm, sincere and she was disappointed when he had to go. She watched him walk away with admiration, then turned back with a smile on her face, but it soon gave way to startled confusion when she noticed all eyes were on her, including her own team mates as they weren't that far behind her when she left.

She fidgeted, eyes darting to the ground and back. "What?"

"How do you know our sensei?" Obito asked, befuddled, head tilting to the side slightly.

"Oh, I've only met him once." She scratched the back of her neck, eyes downcast. "He helped me with something, that's all."

Obito opened his mouth to ask another question, but Rin grabbed his arm and he looked down at her, blushing and newly distracted.  _"So,"_ she said loudly, cutting him off. "Where are you going to wear your headband, Asami?"

Asami gave her a tiny, appreciative smile and then dropped her eyes to the headband in her hands. She brushed her fingers over the metal plate, thumb tracing over the leaf symbol and she felt  _great_. She had made it; all that hard work hadn't been for nothing and she would change Asuma's destiny, even if it killed her and nobody could deter her from her path.

"Are they making anyone a genin these days?"

Her mind slowed to a crawl and she looked up to see Rin moving aside, revealing her other team mate. He was leaning against the wall, arms crossed with hooded, bored looking eyes.

"Pardon?" she asked, heart beating a little faster.

Rin turned towards him, voice gentle but with a warning edge. "Kakashi, that's not-"

"People with weak minds have no place in the ninja world." He looked away and out of the window to their side with disinterest.

"Kakashi!" Rin hissed, appalled.

"Hey, what the hell is your problem?!" Obito yelled and stood to his full height, an inch or two taller than Kakashi, but he wasn't intimidated because he spared him an unconcerned glance and then returned his attention to the window.

"If you can't follow orders with a clear mind, you'll be nothing but a useless burden."

It was as if he was commenting on the weather and not insulting a person's mental state. Heat surged through her veins and in a sudden burst of rage, she advanced towards him and the split second he turned back she raised her fist and slugged him across the jaw. She wasn't strong enough to actually knock him over, but his head jerked to the side a fraction and that was satisfying in itself. He touched his jaw, eyes wide as the silence in the hallway became deafening. Nobody could quite believe what she had just done – to him, of all people.

His black eyes never wavered from her own as he stared down at her in stunned disbelief. She channelled all of the hate she had into her brown ones and stared right back at him. She refused to look away, refused to show weakness to that arrogant little prick. She had never felt such an overwhelming rage before – an unpleasant heat crept up her neck until she was red in the face, her breathing became heavy and she wanted to kill him. She wanted to  _kill_ him and grab him by his stupid hair and fling him into space.

The occupants of the hallway exchanged tense glances; no one dared to break the silence, it stretched long and wary, until someone  _did_. Obito had been holding in laughter the entire time and had reached his breaking point. He bent forwards and clutched his stomach, tears brimming under his eyes as he pointed at him.

"Oh man, she got you good!"

He didn't react – his attention was solely on her and their eyes remained locked even when Gai touched her arm and pulled her back a step. She had grown used to unkind words ever since  _that_ day– it was a given, rumours spread fast and children could be cruel, but none of that compared to what he had just said. She shrugged off Gai's hand and stepped forwards so her face was inches from Kakashi's. He narrowed his eyes, hand falling away from his jaw and glared at her.

"I am not  _weak,"_ she spat venomously and unable to stand the sight of him any longer, she turned away and strode down the hall. She raised her head high and did not look back. She would make him eat his words. She would not be a  _burden_ and she would prove it to the world.

"Kakashi, that was cruel!" Rin scolded, then jogged to catch up, but Asami didn't slow her pace.

She would show him.

She would show them  _all_.

* * *

 _~call your name every day when I feel so helpless,_  
_I've fallen down, but I'll rise above this~_

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> USEFUL INFORMATION:
> 
> 1\. My friend pointed something out to me and I thought I should mention it. I have not forgotten Asuma has a nephew in canon(Konohamaru) – things will be revealed in time.
> 
> 2\. I have also not forgotten Inoichi and his mind jutsu exists - again, things will be revealed in time.
> 
> 3\. There is another song and although it does not relate to the happenings in this chapter, there are a few verses that do, so I will quote them here.
> 
> ~I have all of these memories, I don't know what for  
> I have them and I can't help it  
> some overflow and spill out like waves,  
> some I will harbour for all of my days~


	2. Way of The Sun

**Chapter Two**   
[Way of The Sun](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SY38_FYNuds)   


* * *

  _~some spend their time calling out what others have said,_  
_the day will rise and fall again, or so I have read,_  
_I will do, not weep, past all this false critique~_

* * *

 

She shoved the doors open and stepped out into the courtyard, chest heaving, nostrils flaring as she tried to regain control over her emotions. How dare he. How fucking  _dare_  he say something so heartless when he bore no witness to her plight, when he knew absolutely nothing about the inner workings of her mind. He had only heard rumours, most of which were derived from a never ending chain of chinese whispers and from those he considered himself an expert on all things  _Asami?_ Where he found the gall, she would never know and she wouldn't be asking him any time soon.

The doors creaked open and she glanced over with a fiery expression, but then cooled it somewhat when she saw her very concerned looking friend. She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly through her nose, then glanced off to the side, jaw tightening. "I  **hate**  him."

Rin walked over, frowning slightly in sympathy, stopping inches away. "Hate is a strong word," she reasoned gently, wanting to hold her hand, hug her, anything that would bring her even a smidgen of comfort, but she had never seen her so riled and she didn't want to smother her.

Asami looked her dead in the eye, annoyed. "I dislike him  _strongly."_ She shook her head, gaze mocking, then brought a trembling hand to her forehead, covering her eyes. "I just… I'm  _sick_  of it." She dragged her hand down her face before waving it towards the block of houses to their right, looking at her in pained anger. "The people in this village… t-they judge what they don't understand. They don't even  _try_ to understand, and he… h-he-"

" _Asami,_  stop, stop." Rin grabbed her shoulders, held her still. "You've come this far, please don't let him ruin it," she said forcefully, shaking her once, knowing she had referred to herself. "Just try to calm down, take deep breaths. Don't let him see you like this. Don't let him  _win."_

Her face scrunched up. "He's not even  _here."_

"No, but he will be soon." Rin gestured to the doors with a fleeting glance. "Graduation is over and  _that_ is the exit."

Asami straightened her spine, eyes becoming fiercely determined. "Well he better not or I'll punch his stupid hair clean off his head!" Her raised voice overshadowed the sound of the doors opening and she ploughed on with her rage, unaware of the second pair of eyes watching her outburst. "I'll scalp his goddamn head with my fist!" She clenched her hand and shook it for emphasis, then bristled when a choke of laughter sounded to her left. She snapped her head around to where Obito had paused in the doorway, one hand clutching the frame to steady himself and the other fisted over his mouth as he unsuccessfully tried to lessen his laughter induced coughing. She relaxed, albeit slightly and lifted her eyebrows in mild concern. "You okay?"

He nodded briskly, just about managing to suppress his coughs and then walked forwards, eyes glistening with amused tears as he slowed to a halt beside them. He pocketed his hands and stared ahead with a strained expression, then looked down at her from the corner of his eye, mouth twitching upwards. "Can I watch?"

It was silent for a few beats as she stared at him. She didn't want to joke; she was too fired up. She wanted to vent her frustrations, spew her negative thoughts to a willing ear, but the longer she remained under his playful gaze, the more her anger faded and slowly,  _very_ slowly, her mouth curved up into a sinister grin. "You can hold him in  _place."_

He smirked, as if he were picturing it.

Rin watched them fondly, chose to ignore their scheme to deprive Kakashi of his hair in a violent fashion and instead focused on what really mattered; Asami was  _smiling_ again and it warmed her heart, even if it did look a little terrifying. Obito opened his mouth to add something further, but Rin held up a hand, cut him off. "Nobody is scalping  _anyone,"_ she said, the hint of humour in her eyes.

Obito clamped his mouth shut, shared an amused glance with Asami and then cleared his throat, eyes sidling towards Rin. "So..." he trailed off, almost losing his nerve at her cute, questioning eyebrow raise. His cheeks pinked. Here goes nothing. "Are you celebrating with anyone? Because, well… I was thinking we could-"

"I'm sorry, Obito," she said ruefully and touched his arm, face awash with understanding. "My parents are taking me out to dinner. They booked a table just in case."

His face fell, blush fading as he looked down, discouraged. "Oh..." He shrugged his shoulders slightly, played it off like it was no big deal. "It's okay." He looked back up and gave her a wide, genuine smile, one that reached and softened his eyes. "I hope you have a good time. You deserve it."

She gave his arm a gentle, affectionate squeeze, leaned in close and he stiffened, face heating up once more. "I'll save you a piece of cake." She grinned. "A really big, chocolatey piece of cake."

Asami folded her arms, put all of her weight on one foot. "Ahem." Their heads turned in unison to see her looking down her nose at them, one dark eyebrow raised expectantly in jest.

Rin huffed out a laugh and stepped back, much to Obito's disappointment and put her hands on her hips, fixing Asami with a playfully lecturing stare. "Don't  _ahem_  me." Asami smirked, to which she responded with a smirk of her own. "I'll be saving you a piece, too. Don't you worry."

"Consider my mind at ease," Asami said in mock seriousness, eyes sparkling with mirth before they focused on something over Rin's shoulder, near the gate. "Your parents are here," she said, nodding her head in their direction.

Rin followed her gaze, smile brightening and threw them an excited wave, then turned back around, met both of their eyes apologetically. "I better get going." She began to back away. "I'll see you both tomorrow, okay?"

Asami nodded in confirmation, then frowned deeply, mouth parting, nose scrunching up on one side. Wait a diddly-darn minute. She opened her mouth to point out a potential issue, barely got out the first syllable before Obito unleashed the loudest, most guttural sounding goodbye she had ever heard in her whole two lives; a sound so inhuman it resembled that of an animal being tortured, stunning her into silence and distracting her long enough for Rin to get away, though not without a few startled backwards glances.

Obito stared unseeingly at the spot she had previously stood, red-faced, unable to believe he had produced such a sound and just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, he felt Asami slink up behind him, felt her breath against his ear and then she  _mimicked_ him. He turned and shot her an extremely embarrassed glare.

She stepped away, laughing in disbelief. "What was  _that?"_

The fierceness left his eyes as they drifted to the side of her, expression growing somewhat traumatised. "I... I really don't know," he said eventually, bringing his gaze back to hers and the sheer abject horror splayed across his face had her laughing all the harder, but it didn't last long.

Her eyes were drawn to the doors instinctively upon hearing a creak and when she caught sight of the masked devil himself, everything came rushing back. All the negative feelings she had managed to shake took residence inside her once again, and then there was anger, so much  _anger,_ but there was even more  _hurt_ and then she was moving, purely a knee-jerk reaction and hid behind Obito's much taller stature, hating herself and hoping the silver haired fucker hadn't noticed her cowardice.

Taken aback by her sudden proximity, Obito began to move away, but she gripped his shirt and pulled him back, closer than before. "What are you doi-"

"Act natural."

He squinted down at her in confusion. "Huh?"

_"Shh."_

Curious as to what caused her behaviour, he swept his eyes around the courtyard for answers, but found none, so he cast a glance over his shoulder instead, instantly locking eyes with Kakashi as he walked down the steps. His confusion shifted into anger and he narrowed his eyes, wishing his sharingan would hurry up and awaken because Kakashi didn't look at all fazed by his glare; just walked on by with an air of indifference, seemingly over the previous assault on his face as he looked away, disinterested and made his way towards the gate without so much as a second glance.

There was a short silence following his departure which Obito spent glaring in the direction he had gone, but then a very quiet, very miserable sounding apology had him turning back. Asami had moved away, suddenly looking devoid of life and he frowned a little, not sure why  _she_ was apologising when that job belonged to his midget team mate.

He watched her closely for a moment, not liking her dead eyed stare, so he tried to lighten the mood. "What happened to scalping him with your fist?" he teased in the hopes of bringing back some of her fire, but if anything he seemed to snuff out whatever remained of it.

She brought her eyes up to his, gave him what appeared to be a bright smile, but he wasn't fooled. He could see through her mask as if it were a mere glass pane and what he saw on the other side caused his grin to fade. She looked away, her weak attempt at a smile vanishing as she gave up her pretence of happiness because what was the point? He had seen through it in a heartbeat and there was no one else to fool. She then blinked several times, suddenly remembering Asuma and the fact he was supposed to be there. She glanced around, wanting him to swoop in and use his big brother powers to magic away her pain, to make her forget the bad because that was what he did best, but he  _wasn_ ' _t_  there and before she could feel any worse... something happened.

Something wonderfully unexpected and magical in itself.

"Don't listen to him, okay?" Obito's voice cut through her thoughts. "You're the strongest person I know."

Asami did a double take, unsure whether she had heard correctly. "W-What?"

"You are not weak," he said honestly, from the heart. "That thing that happened to you…" He paused briefly, stared at her intently, meaningfully. "You kicked it's butt and here you are." He motioned his hand towards her headband, the very symbol of her strength. "You wouldn't be holding that right now if what he said was true." He gave her an encouraging smile, hoping to inspire a smile of her own – a  _real_ one this time, but that only served to bring tears to her eyes and he mentally flailed. That was not supposed to happen. Crap.

She was too overcome with emotion to maintain eye contact for long and looked down at her headband, just now realising her foolishness as one tear dripped onto the metal plate.

"D-Don't cry…" Obito reached for her, at a loss for what else to do and pulled her into a hug.

She readily stepped into his embrace, needing the comfort and rested her forehead against his collarbone, closing her eyes and sighing heavily. "You're right," she said quietly, voice muffled by his shirt. She had allowed that prick into her head despite knowing his words to be untrue, and for that she was a bloody fool. But never again. She was a genin now, one deserving of the title and Kakashi could suck on it. "You always know what to say to make me feel better. You're like medicine." She held him tighter. "Thank you, Obito. I needed that."

"No problem." He was about to hold her closer, but the moment he began to move he happened to turn his head, meeting the eyes of the infamous, extremely protective big brother who watched him pointedly with an unreadable, yet intimidating arch of his brow. Double crap. He removed his arms from around her shoulders and held up his hands in surrender, looking somewhat sheepish. "…Hey."

"Hey," Asuma replied bluntly, eyes flickering down to Asami as she turned around and when he saw the red around her eyes, his brotherly instincts kicked in full throttle and he touched her arm, lowered his head to get a closer look. "Why are you crying?" he asked without hesitation, inspecting her with a deeply worried frown and she tensed, seemed to clam up.

"Because reasons." Was her curt,  _don_ ' _t ask me again_ reply before she thrust her headband at his face, forcefully changing the subject. "Feast your eyes!" she exclaimed triumphantly and he pushed her hand down, stared at her with confliction.

Yeah, reasons that usually resulted in him having a stern talk with a third party.

He slid his eyes over to Obito for any indication of what happened, but Obito purposefully kept his eyes to the ground, reluctant to divulge information and Asuma heaved out a sigh, resigned to let it go and did what she bade – feasted his eyes. He flicked the material of her headband, taking note of her trademark colour. "Red."

"Yeah…" Asami grinned with a slight, confused frown, eyes traversing the fabric. "I don't get it." She looked up, stumped. "Mine was the only red one."

"Why aren't you wearing it?" Asuma asked.

"Oh." She made a nonchalant face, began stuffing it into her pocket. "I got distracted. I'll wear it tomorrow." On her first day with her team, it seemed only fitting.

"Distracted by what?" He thought she would have worn it immediately since she had dreamed about this day for months, worked damn hard to pass – more than he had, which was why she had graduated one year younger than he had been. He supposed he should feel one-upped, jealous, but he loved her too much to feel anything but pride.

Asami scratched the back of her neck, a nervous habit she had picked up from him. "Stuff," she hedged, sharing a furtive glance with Obito. "And things."

Obito looked at him sidelong, crossed his arms and bobbed his head casually. "Stuff and things." Nothing out of the ordinary here.

Asuma eyed them both, mildly annoyed by their secrecy. They were so  _transparent._  It was obvious it had something to do with  _reasons_  and he wanted to drag it out of them, but he noticed how tensely she held herself, how close she was to slipping into a state of moodiness, so he decided against it – for now – and put his hands into his pockets, turned around, done here. "Come on." And then he walked off, not waiting to see if she would follow because he knew she would.

And follow she did, with Obito not too far behind.

She came up beside him, hands clasped behind her back, a skip in her step as she peered up at him. "Where?"

"Home," he said in a tone of voice that implied  _where else?_

She jumped in front of him, mirrored his steps as she walked backwards. "What are we going to do at home?" She grinned, already knowing there would be some form of celebration, but wanting details.

He stared at her blankly for a moment, then brought a finger to his chin and looked up, appearing deep in thought. "Stuff and things," he said after a brief pause, dropping his eyes back down to hers, smirking at her reaction. She had stopped in her tracks, face set into an  _oh no you didn_ ' _t_ expression and he sidestepped her, continued on his way, smug as hell.

She tsked and crossed her arms, glared at the back of his head as he walked through the gate. "Smartass," she grumbled under her breath, then turned towards Obito, smiling despite herself. "I should probably follow the big dummy before he leaves me behind."

Obito blinked, took a moment to respond. "Okay, yeah. I'll just, uh…" he trailed off, pointing in the direction of his home. "…Yeah." He concluded dumbly, laughing a little before he looked down, eyes growing sombre, wistful. "Enjoy your celebration."

Alarmed by his sudden change, she tilted her head in an attempt to catch his eyes, voice filling with concern. "What's wrong?"

He stared unwaveringly at his feet, jaw working oddly as he tried to find the right words, but then he shook his head, changed his mind. "Nothing." He looked up with a smile, eyes crinkling unconvincingly. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

He made to walk away, but she shot forwards and snagged his sleeve, the sudden realisation of his circumstances hitting her like a truck. "Wait," she said, tugging him back to her side. "Why don't you come home with me?"

His eyes widened in surprise, a thousand emotions surging through him at the message he saw written in hers.

 _You don_ ' _t have to be alone today_.

She slipped her hand into his, not needing an answer for one hung in the air, a big, unspoken  _yes_ as she pulled him through the gate. "I'm almost positive we're having curry for dinner." She looked back at him, smiling. "You like that, right?"

He followed slowly at first, in awe of her kind gesture, but then he picked up the pace and fell into step beside her, warmth spreading throughout his chest at the thought of not returning to a dark, empty house. "Yeah," he said, looking down at her with gratitude. "I do."

* * *

**Later That Evening**

* * *

"Oh, come on, Obito!" Asami scoffed, rolling her eyes. "You're acting like it's the world's most complex jutsu." She jabbed a mocking finger at him. "You can make a clone on the spot, but god forbid someone asks you to  _braid_ something."

"Well, it's not like I have hair to practice on every day!" he retorted defensively, giving her long, braided hair a dirty look. "Unlike  _someone._ "

Asami looked down at her hands, almost laughing. "Still not a complex jutsu," she muttered, fiddling with several plastic straws and when she heard him mimic her moodily under his breath, she smirked at him, then sighed dramatically. Moron. "Just follow my lead...  _again_." She leaned over the dining table, all but shoved her hands under his nose to give him a clear view. "I'll go slow this time, okay?"

He nodded, stared at her hands intently as she began to weave the straws together and he would have lost interest by now, but she had implanted an image into his head which practically latched onto his brain and refused to let go.

" _Mother said dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes, so I thought we could do something creative to pass the time," s_ _he had said as she emerged from the kitchen, hands behind her back._ " _That's where these come in._ "  _She pulled out a box of drinking straws, looking rather pleased with herself._ " _I thought we could make bracelets!_ " s _he said excitedly, opening the box and tossing him a few._ " _But instead of just shoving the ends into each other and folding them and stuff, we could braid them. Make them more sturdy._ "

 _He looked at her as if she were mad._ " _Why would I want to braid?_ "  _he asked in a blunt tone, dropping a straw into his glass and taking a long, refreshing sip. Boys didn't braid._

 _Her smile faltered at his flat out rejection, but then it transitioned into a sly grin, eyes flashing mischievously._ " _Well, I don't know..._ "  _She shrugged, threw her hands up._ " _Rin likes to have her hair braided occasionally..._ "

_He paused mid-sip._

_She sat down opposite him, began to sift through the straws._ " _I mean, you could... I don't know, sit in a meadow on a summer's day with her hair between your fingers, the sun on your faces as you repeatedly impress her with your new hairstyling talent._ "  _Her eyes flickered up to his._ " _Alone._ "

And just like that he fell, hook, line and sinker. God damnit.

He watched her fingers closely, tried to etch their movements into his memory and once he was positive he had it down, he readied his own straws and after a moment of "where does this part go again?" he slowly but surely began to make progress. "I think I'm getting it."

"Yeah?" she asked and he nodded once. "Alright, then." She sat back, proceeded to finish up her own. "It's really easy once you get the hang of-"

"No, wait."

She glanced up to see him staring down at his hands, brow furrowed deeply in concentration as he tried to fathom what the hell just happened before he looked up with extremely confused eyes. "Uhh…"

"You can't be serious." She deadpanned. "I looked away for  _one_ second. How are you  _that_ tangled up?"

"I don't know," he said grumpily. "Stupid things have a mind of their own." He had somehow managed to knot the straws around his fingers and he tugged at them aggressively, inadvertently causing the knots to tighten and cut off his circulation. His eyes widened and in a moment of panic he shook his hands around frantically, making weird, frustrated noises as he did so and when she snorted out a laugh, he glared daggers. "It's not funny!"

She leaned against the table, chin in her hand. "I beg to differ."

He uncrossed his legs and shuffled around the table on his knees. "Just help before they drop off!"

She responded with a smirk, a wide, patronising one. "I'm a medic, remember?" she said, voice dripping with amusement. "I'll just reattach them."

"What?! No!" He thrust his hands towards her urgently, pleadingly, looking completely horrified. "Asami, please! If you don't help, then they'll-"

"-drop off, blah, blah, blah, I know." She grabbed his hands, began fumbling with the knots. "Lighten up. I was just teasing."

"And I'd probably laugh if my fingers weren't dying!"

Asami made a  _pssh_ sound. "Don't be a drama queen." She looked him squarely the eyes, shaking her head. "They're not  _dying."_ He visibly relaxed, let out a long, relieved breath, but then her face fell, followed by a very horrified sounding "oh no" and he tensed right back up.

"Oh no?" he asked, panic overcoming him once more. "What do you mean  _oh no?!"_

She reached into her weapons pouch and pulled out a kunai, expression grim. "I'm going to have to cut them off."

" _What?!"_ he shrieked girlishly and recoiled from her, aghast.

"The straws," she clarified with an innocent, overly sweet smile and he calmed instantly, then narrowed his eyes.

"That was mean," he said with a great deal of butthurt and she chuckled darkly, gestured for his hands which he grudgingly gave her. "That was  _mean_ and I won't forgive you."

"Cry me a river." She smirked as she sliced through the plastic, mindful not to cut him, then shook her head in disbelief. "Who knew braiding could be so dangerous?" She peeked up at him playfully, only to burst out laughing at his silent  _you're dead to me_ stare – a laugh so loud it echoed down the hall and into the kitchen; a laugh so joyous it brought a fond smile to Biwako's lips.

"I thought I'd never hear that again," Biwako said as she stirred through the curry that simmered on the stove. "It's wonderful isn't it?"

"Mmhm," Asuma replied automatically, not looking up from the bowls and chopsticks he was tasked with organising a few feet away.

She listened to her laughter a moment longer before turning her head towards him. "I'm thankful she has such kind, patient and understanding friends," she said, eyes crinkling as a smile stretched across her face. "They certainly helped in her recovery, didn't they?"

"Mmhm," he replied in the same dull monotone, giving her pause. He was staring at the wall in front of himself, eyes distant, mind clearly in a faraway place and, losing her patience, she yanked the oven mitt off the counter and slapped his arm with it, startling him out of his thoughts. He jumped back a step, disgruntled and held out an arm in wary defence.

"What's gotten into you?" she asked.

He looked at her oddly, not following. "What do you mean?"

"You've had that look on your face ever since you got home!" She thumped the mitt back onto the counter, forgetting about the curry completely. "What happened?"

He slowly lowered his arm, eyes darting to the mitt warily and back, still not following. "...This is just my face."

"No, that's your  _something is bothering me about Asami_ face," she clarified, then jabbed a finger at him warningly. "And don't you dare deny it." She jabbed it at him again for emphasis. "Now, what happened?"

He hesitated, then sent a quick glance into the hallway to check that they were alone. "When I got to the academy, she was crying," he told her after a few seconds, downplaying his concern with a blank expression and a casual tone of voice. "And when I asked her about it, she changed the subject."

Biwako's forehead wrinkled briefly in concern, but then she turned back towards the stove, shrugging. "Maybe they were tears of happiness," she suggested, re-stirring the curry with heavy denial, blanking her features. "You know how hard she worked to pass."

"No," he said firmly, shaking his head. "We wouldn't be having this conversation if they were." He tried to gauge her thoughts, but her face remained a blank mask and after a long, silent pause, she nodded in acceptance, opened her mouth and regurgitated the same words she would say whenever something like this arose, like a damn broken record that slowly eroded his patience the more it went on and he clenched his jaw, at the end of his rope.

" _Just give her time."_

He  _had_ given her time; months and months of it, but there was only so much he could endure watching from the side-lines before his patience snapped in half. He didn't have it in him to just sit back and speculate anymore, so he decided that once the day was through, he would get to the bottom of ' _reasons'_  and help her in any way he could because that's what big brothers were for and he'd be damned if he let anyone get away with hurting her.

Silence spanned throughout the kitchen as they delved into their own heads, but when Asuma came back to himself, he almost broke it. His response teetered on the edge of his tongue, but then he realised that he had no desire to continue their conversation, so he swallowed back his words and turned back towards the bowls and chopsticks, eager to get the job done already so he could sit down with a cold glass of iced tea and brood some more.

But the silence didn't last long because there was a loud tsk, then an annoyed "where on earth is your father?" He turned to see her peering over her shoulder at the clock hanging above the door behind them, looking rather ticked off. "He promised he wouldn't be late."

And then all desire for silence shattered as bitterness overcame him and before he could stop himself, words were flying out of his mouth. "He's probably cuddling up to his paperwork," he said cynically, then closed his eyes and sighed through his nose, regretting it instantly because he knew a storm would head his way in three, two...

"Enough!" Biwako shouted, dumping the wooden spoon into the pan, ignoring the small flecks of curry that splattered onto her apron and brought a hand level with her head, shaking it slightly. "I have had it up to  _here_ with your flippant attitude towards your fathers work!" she snapped indignantly. "He is the  _Hokage._ Paperwork comes with the job description. It's stressful and time consuming, but it has to be done." Her mouth formed into a thin, agitated line, watched as he wrapped the last set of chopsticks into a napkin, looking as if he were blocking her out and she scoffed, returned her attention back to the stove. "He tries his best to be with us. You know he does." She looked at him briefly from the corner of her eye. "So show him some respect, will you?"

He didn't say anything, which wasn't at all surprising. They had danced this dance many times before, each time ending in stony silence on his end before he left the room in search of solitude, and any minute now, he would follow through. He would finish his task, grab an iced tea and then disappear... and like the creature of habit he was, he did just that.

* * *

**. . .**

* * *

Hiruzen returned home close to half an hour later, though the only one that had been bothered by that fact was Asuma. He remained bothered for a while after that too, but for an entirely different reason because the moment Hiruzen entered the room, he had been off. He didn't smile, nor did he acknowledge Asami's achievement in the way she had hoped; a fond ruffle of the hair with the utterance of  _my little genius,_ just like old times. Instead he merely nodded at her, gave her a brief  _well done_ before leaving for the kitchen, though not without one last lingering glance. His focus solely on her; his eyes crimping slightly as he studied her – the telltale sign that something was wrong and she grew uneasy, watching his retreating form with a confused, crestfallen look in her eyes and when he re-emerged with an equally confused Biwako in tow, those feelings intensified. He sat down beside her, nodding a quick  _hello_ at Obito who clammed up in return, barely managing a  _h-hello, lord hokage s-sir_ before clamping his mouth shut out of nervousness, earning strange glances from both the Sarutobi siblings.

But then Asami looked back at him, visibly hurt by his display, which led Asuma up to this moment. He watched him darkly from the corner of his eye as he sipped his iced tea, waiting for him to break the heavy silence he had wrought and after he gulped down some of his sake, he proceeded to do just that. He set his glass down onto the table, the action alone causing an uneasy feeling of dread to settle deep into her stomach. He was the picture of calm, almost no emotion showing on his age-lined face except for the slight hardness to his eyes and when he set his gaze on her, she knew she was in trouble.

"Is it true you assaulted Kakashi Hatake this afternoon?" he asked, cutting to the chase.

Too caught off guard by the fact he knew that already, she didn't notice the oncoming spray of tea hurtling towards her face until it was too late. She reared back an inch, startled and spluttering before looking at her assailant in disgusted shock. "Do you  _mind?"_  She furiously scrubbed at her face with her sleeve, scowling. "That got in my mouth, you donkey!"

Beside her, Obito was clenching his jaw tight, face twitching as he tried his damned best not to laugh in front of the hokage, while Asuma – the culprit – was staring at her in shocked silence, iced tea trickling down his chin, glass forgotten in his hand. She would have ripped into him some more, but her father's deep, authoritative voice intervened and she snapped her eyes up to his, heart skipping a beat.

"Is it true?" he pressed sternly, seeming to already know the answer, but willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

She hesitated, suddenly feeling a little scared, but then she raised her chin and put on a brave, uncaring face because frankly, the little shit deserved it. "Yes."

He looked at her disappointedly. "We raised you better than that." He exchanged a glance with a very surprised Biwako before looking back at her with renewed sternness. "I expected more from you."

She twisted her body towards him, getting defensive. "But he-"

"I know what he did," he said immediately, voice coming out much harsher than intended and she flinched, the briefest flicker of hurt in her eyes. He felt a pang of guilt and leaned towards her, placed a reassuring hand near hers. "I'm not defending him, Asami. Please know that." He held her gaze meaningfully. "But instead of using your fists, show him how strong you can be  _without_  them."

Asami felt her mouth open slightly in surprise, but then closed it just as fast, pulled her hand away and looked down at her lap, unsure how to react, unsure of what to say. She didn't miss his meaning; the underlying encouragement behind his words, but she was unable to stifle the pain that ignited within because he of all people should have understood why she did it; why she lost control in the face of such a judgemental, callous person and for him to look at her with such disappointed eyes, even after having had front row seats to her year long struggle left her feeling very small, wounded and disillusioned.

"Do you understand?" he asked firmly, retracting his hand, watching her closely.

She swallowed tensely, kept her eyes downcast. "Yes," she said brusquely, though her tone heavily implied  _no_ and he could hear it – the hurt, the betrayal, the silent question of  _how could you?_

But he said nothing, only nodded as he reached for his sake and the awkward silence that followed made her want to disappear. But then he spoke again, changing his tune entirely, stunning her out of her misery. "Was it a good punch?" he asked casually, looking down at her sidelong, slowly sipping his sake and she gaped at him, completely and utterly speechless, mind reeling from his complete one eighty and honestly, she didn't know how to feel. Especially after what he had just done, but the mirthful look in his eyes slowly chipped away at her reluctance to forgive; it was infuriatingly contagious and before she knew it, a small, cheeky grin crept onto her face. She couldn't help it; she had no control and as she shared his mirth, she saw it – the perfect opportunity to salvage the cheerful atmosphere he had destroyed.

"The best," she replied, grin widening to reveal a small sliver of teeth before redirecting her gaze towards Obito. He was frozen in place, eyes darting between each person awkwardly, not really sure what just happened and she snickered quietly, shook her head and looked away, ready to move on and enjoy the rest of the evening without any further disturbance.

Biwako seemed to share the idea because she immediately began filling up their bowls, sweeping the subject under the rug in favour of actually  _celebrating_ and fired question after question in her direction, some of which only Hiruzen could answer. He shed light on why her headband was red; he had it specially made so that if she passed, she could wear her favourite colour as part of her uniform. She was moved by his thoughtfulness, and even more so when he revealed the reason behind her assigned team. He was partially responsible for her placement because as the hokage, he had a say in who went where. He told her that not only was Choza a kind and patient man, but both her team mates had skills she could learn from, especially Gai because he excelled in what she did not – taijutsu. It was the perfect matchup, if he did say so himself and she couldn't fault him there.

However…

"What would I learn from Genma?" she asked curiously, searching her brain for memories, finding zilch. It was really bothering her how she hadn't remembered him yet. What if he was some kind of evil mastermind in disguise? Chills ran down her spine at the very thought… she would have to be on her guard.

Hiruzen just smiled knowingly, told her to figure that out for herself which annoyed the absolute crap out of her, but she decided to play his game.

"Fine," she conceded, shovelling a large glob of rice into her mouth, chewing slowly as she thought some more. But then she paused mid-chew and looked up, blinked a couple of times at what she saw. Asuma had stopped eating and was just… staring at her and, taken aback by the intensity of his eyes, her hackles rose and she mouthed a mildly aggressive  _what?_

He just looked down, frowning deeply as he poked at his food, quite clearly in a mood of some sort and she scrunched her nose, not understanding what she had done to offend him.

What in the actual fu-

* * *

**. . .**

* * *

The evening drew to an end and Asami escorted Obito to the front door where she leaned against the frame with her arms crossed, watching silently as he donned his shoes from his seated position on her front step. She was chuckling quietly to herself, thinking back to his braiding fiasco and how she had something amusing to tell Rin the next day, but then she paused, suddenly remembering something and then hung her head forward, groaning. "Oh goddamnit."

"What?" Obito asked curiously, looking over his shoulder and when he met her accusatory, squinty-eyed stare, he squinted right back at her. "...What?"

She lifted her head, glared at him. "I wanted to tell Rin something earlier, but because of  _you_ she left before I could," she said peevishly, narrowing her eyes further as if to say  _yeah, you heard me._

He half-turned his body towards her, face twisting up in confusion. "What do you mean because of  _me?"_

She released a short, airy laugh of disbelief. "I  _mean_ that I was too distracted by your freakish screech to notice her leaving!"

His face caught fire at the memory and for a few seconds, he floundered helplessly for words. "Well… it's not like I did it on purpose!" He spun back around, pouted down at his shoes, feeling embarrassed to the point of no return and, wanting to take the heat off of himself, he changed the subject. "What did you want to tell her, anyway?" he asked as he slipped on his other shoe, then stood and turned around, only to freeze upon discovering he was victim to yet another weird, squinty-eyed stare. " _What?"_

A staring contest ensued for several seconds before she perked up, realising something. "Oh!" she exclaimed, snapping her fingers. "I can just tell you!"

He tilted his head with growing puzzlement. "...Okay?"

"Yeah!" She nodded enthusiastically, moving away from the doorframe and uncrossing her arms. "I can tell you, and then you can tell Rin."

"Okay." He shrugged, attention piqued. "Shoot."

"You know how we agreed to meet up tomorrow after training?" she asked and he nodded, urging her to continue. "Well, there's a chance that might not happen."

"What?" he asked, frowning perplexedly. "Why?"

"We're on different teams, Obito," she explained, feeling a surge of envy. "Meaning we're on different training grounds and god knows how long our tests will take. We could finish at different times, maybe hours apart, so..." she trailed off, shrugging, then casually fiddled with her braid, bringing the end under her nose like a moustache to conceal her smirk. "I mean, I kinda hoped the three of us could have talked it  _over,_ but-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," he growled warningly, not needing  _another_ reminder and she pressed her mouth together, looking as innocent as the day she was born.  _Innocent my butt,_ he thought grumpily and, giving her one last glare of warning, he looked down, pointedly ignored her as he wracked his brain for a solution …coming up with nothing. "Just leave it with me," he said determinedly, looking back up at her and she lowered her moustache chest level, intrigued. "Me and Rin will figure something out, don't worry." He smiled reassuringly, pocketing his hands, rocking back on his heels. "So just… train and stuff, get on with your day and we'll find you."

She nodded slowly, a small part of her worried their plans would fall through. "Okay," she said hesitantly, resisting the urge to scratch her neck, not wanting to show how worried she actually was. She just  _really_ wanted to see them – they were the only friends she had. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." She returned his smile, hopeful, and when he held out his fist with an enthusiastic shout of "yep!" she giggled a little and bumped her knuckles against his own, their way of saying goodbye and their way only.

And then he was running down her pathway, throwing a wave over his shoulder before vanishing around the corner and she smiled after him, worry melting away with each passing second.

* * *

**. . .**

* * *

She concluded the evening with a much needed, completely satisfying bath before making her way towards her brother's bedroom in long, determined strides, wanting an explanation for why there seemed to be a bug up his ass and hoping the reason wasn't short, tanned and secretly foul-mouthed.

"Asuma?" she called when she reached his door, then pushed it open when his muffled  _mmhm_ gave her the go ahead. He was sat on his bed, legs hanging over the edge as he polished one of his chakra blades and when he didn't acknowledge her further, not even a glance of hello, she knew she was the reason. For fuck sake. She stepped further into the room, decided to break the ice with a peace offering in the hopes of crawling back into his good graces. "I started running your bath because I'm an  _amazing_ and kind sister..."

There was a short, distracted pause, then a sarcastic "what would I do without you?" as he switched blades.

"Fail at life, obviously," she fired back with a smirk, but he didn't return it; didn't even look at her and she sighed heavily through her nose, expression projecting both annoyance and confusion. "Why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad," he said simply.

Her eyebrows slammed down into a disbelieving frown. "You're not  _mad?"_

"Nope."

She stood there dumbly, confusion increasing a few levels, but then she shook her head and pointed at him accusingly. "Then  _why_ have you been giving me evils all evening?"

He made a thoughtful face, then shrugged his mouth down briefly. "I wouldn't exactly call them  _evils."_

She crossed her arms, unamused. "Brooding stares, then."

He sighed and lowered his blade, simultaneously lifted his eyes to hers. "Honestly?" He upturned his eyebrows, shaking his head twice. "I'm more hurt than anything," he admitted, laying himself open, just like that.

She blinked several times, momentarily speechless, then caught herself. "You're  _hurt?"_ she asked incredulously, tilting her head, struggling to understand. "When are you ever  _hurt?"_

He seemed to take offence to that. "I am capable of that emotion, Asami."

She scoffed. "Says the king of one facial expression. Deadpan." She then back-pedalled, confusion hitting the roof. "Wait a minute." She held up a hand, looked at him strangely. "You're  _hurt_  because I punched Kakashi?" He opened his mouth to point out the ridiculousness of that question, but she was continuing. "What, are your faces linked up or something? Is that why you're hurt? You were punched out of nowhere and you're holding a grudge?"

And there it was, the deadpan expression, complete with hooded, unimpressed eyes. "No," he said flatly, returning his attention back to his chakra blade, running the cloth down the entire length before speaking again. "I'm  _hurt_ because you didn't tell me." He held the blade out in front of himself, inspecting his handiwork before placing it down onto his bedside table. "Yet you told Obito." He said, voice containing thinly-veiled jealously and she uncrossed her arms, feeling somewhat guilty, but also feeling a little pissed because he had it all wrong.

"Okay, first of all," she put her hands onto her hips, leaned forwards a little. "Obito was  _there,"_ she said, setting him straight. "And second of all, I didn't tell you for a reason."

"What reason?"

"Hmm, let me see," she exaggerated thoughtfulness, spread her arms wide, shrugging. "Whenever I  _do_  tell you about these things, you fling yourself at people threateningly!"

He gave her a funny look. "I do not  _fling_ myself." He jutted his chin out defensively, stubbornly. "I approach them at a perfectly reasonable pace and tell them to back off in a not so friendly way."

"Same thing." She waved a dismissive hand, then looked at him sadly, remembering those awful words. "I just want to forget about it, Asuma." She dropped her eyes to the carpet, seeing it all over again. "And if you were to confront him, then it would only escalate and I  _really_ don't want the stress." She looked back at him, saw the reluctance in his eyes and took a pleading step forwards, needing him to understand. "I want to move on, focus on my training with no distractions and no negativity so I can become stronger."  _For you,_ she left unsaid. "So can you just… leave it alone?"

His response was immediate, urgent. "What did he  _do?"_

She frowned, instantly annoyed. "Are you kidding me? I  _just_ asked you to leave it alone."

He said nothing for a long, thoughtful moment. "How about this," he suggested, sitting up straight. "If I promise not to  _fling_ myself," he made air quotes with his fingers, garnering an irked eyebrow raise, "then will you tell me?"

She sighed gustily, feeling so very tired in that moment, so to put an end to this and save her from potential broody batman-like stares over breakfast tomorrow, she yielded, though not without requesting his definite word. She knew he always kept his promises, but her paranoia needed the reassurance. "Only if you promise."

"Yeah." He nodded. "I promise."

She eyed him suspiciously, then clucked her tongue. "Fine," she said grumpily, dragging her feet towards his bed before plonking down beside him with a loud huff. "But I swear if I hear  _anything_ about this tomorrow I will burn every single pair of underwear you own." She pointed at his unamused face threateningly, sharpened her voice like kunai. "I will see to it that you experience the horrors of chafing for the rest of your  _life."_ She poked his cheek to let him know she meant business, then poked it several more times purely to be annoying and he slapped her hand away because it was working.

"Stop it," he grouched.

She smirked, enjoying the irritated look on his face, then veered off into story mode because she wanted her damn bed already. She told him everything, starting from the moment she entered the hallway right up to Obito's comforting words and once she had finished, he immediately regretted his promise. His blood was boiling and he looked down at his lap, clenched his fists as he fought to suppress the anger rising inside, but then a small hand covered his own, hauling him from his dark thoughts and dousing the fire in his veins.

"Please?" she asked softly, needing further reassurance.

He raised his eyes to hers, hating the idea of not being able to do anything, but a promise was a promise. "Yeah," he said after a long sigh, looking back down at their hands, nodding in assurance.

She smiled warmly, eyes conveying the sheer amount of gratitude she was feeling. "Thank you," she said earnestly, paused a moment, then dove in for a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. He  _oofed_ and put a hand on the mattress to steady himself, then leaned away slightly as she rubbed her cheek against his lovingly. "You may rest easy knowing your underwear is safe."

He rolled his eyes, then broke out into a small smile before placing his hand over her elbow, returning the embrace somewhat. "Yeah, yeah."

They fell into a comfortable silence, one full of love and understanding, but like all silences, it met its inevitable end.

"Who the hell left the water running?!" Biwako suddenly yelled from the bathroom, sounding absolutely furious and they snapped their eyes towards the door in unison, moment ruined. "It's spilled over onto the floor!" There were distant splashing noises, accompanied by a severely pissed off commentary and in that instant, her peace offering went to shit.

There was absolutely no  _way_ she was getting scolded twice in one day, so before she threw him under the bus, she threw him a sincere  _sorry brother_ glance as she leapt up from the mattress. His eyes widened, knowing exactly what she was about to do and before he could even get a word in edgeways, she launched herself at his door faster than light itself, disappearing into the hallway yelling "Asuma did!"

He stared at the now open door, eye twitching.

"Asuma!" Biwako roared, demanding his presence.

He groaned and flopped onto his back, causing the mattress to bounce under the force. He would take the fall this time because it was her special day, but he swore that if she ever did this again  _she_ would be the one to chafe.

* * *

 _~my joy is my strength, I'll ask for nothing more,_  
I'll do, not weep, past all this false critique,  
the stonewall faces, I'll be kicking down their door~

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter regarding plot, not so filler chapter regarding character/relationship development. There will be more of these in the future because I believe them to be necessary so that when shit eventually goes down, it will have more impact because you would know the characters more deeply, how they feel and what not. Does that make sense? Now, I want to explain Asami's memory business more in depth to save you from future confusion. You're probably wondering why she isn't freaking out about Obito's future? Well, it's simple. She hasn't remembered that yet. She remembers who characters are, and a few of their scenes from the show(good things mostly), but trust me, when she remembers something bad, you will know about it. And bad things she will remember, but in time. You're also probably wondering why I cursed her with the not being able to talk about it otherwise she will choke to death? Other than it all being inspired by my epileptic seizures(sounds bizarre, but if you want details on how and why, send me a message, or ask in a review and I will respond), the other answer is also simple... because I can. I've read a few Naruto self-inserts where the OC can talk about it, but don't. I want Asami to want to, but can't. It probably sounds ridiculous/confusing right now, but when the story gets going, it will all make sense and there will be many feels, many shocks and many emotional stuff and things. Speaking about stuff and things... any walking dead fans get my reference? Tehe.
> 
> Shout out to grifman275 who put up with me sending him paragraph after paragraph because I'm a pathetic, paranoid little shit that needs constant reassurance that what I've written is good enough.
> 
> Bonus lyric: I believe in a foreign land more than we know. (wink wink, nudge nudge)
> 
> -redscarfninja


	3. Youth Knows No Pain

**Chapter Three**

[Youth Knows No Pain](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QohnNnuPpDk)

* * *

_~come on get down, come get down_  
_make a mess, make a bow_  
_come on get down, come get down_  
_mighty youth, here and now~_

* * *

 

Morning came, bringing a whole new wave of anxiety with it. But she soldiered on, sought solace in creativity. Each stroke of her brush ebbing away her fears, each line upon the page a distraction from the thoughts that had rattled around her skull the moment she opened her eyes.

_What if they don't like me?_

_What if I hold them back?_

_What if…_

An endless series of questions, relentless and unforgiving, slamming a shitload of nausea into her as she sat through breakfast. She had unconsciously gnawed on the end of her spoon, the previous scoop of cereal long gone as she drifted through her thoughts, but she soon snapped back to reality when a scrunched up napkin bounced off her forehead. She looked up questioningly, met her brother's eyes from across the table and, ever the perceptive one, he seemed to know what she had been thinking.

"Stop worrying." He had said between bites of toast. "Just be yourself. Everything will be fine."

 _Easier said than done,_ she thought as she dipped the brush into the small pot of ink beside her. She  _had_ been herself and look where that had gotten her; she had two friends in the entire village.

Yay.

She scowled down at her sketchbook, mind taking her prisoner once more. She just didn't  _understand_  why nobody else gave her a chance, why nobody looked past her supposed craziness and got to know the lonely girl underneath. Granted, she hardly left the house to socialise, but still, the thought irked her, so much so that she brought the brush down onto the paper harder than she had meant to, smudging the ear of the cat she had been drawing.

"Balls," she cursed, clumsily dabbing the black liquid with her thumb, smudging it further. " _Balls."_ She stared down at the page with half-lidded, annoyed looking eyes, then leaned back against the training post, exhaling heavily through her nose as her gaze settled upon the large memorial stone that stood opposite.  _So much for a distraction,_ she thought irritably, chewing the inside of her cheek – a nervous habit she had adopted from her first life, along with the need to create.

Art had often served as an escape from reality, a private hobby that would wipe her mind clean of problems for a while, but she had soon found that in this world the distraction it gave her was a brief one. She had so much more to worry about here – degrees were nothing compared to them, so she wasn't surprised by her relapse, and now her worries regarding her teammates were back with a vengeance.

She wanted so desperately to make a good first impression – their meeting the previous day didn't count in her book, so she had arrived half an hour earlier so that she could mentally prepare herself, to make sure she didn't fuck up somehow. She had even brought them each a piece of cake leftover from her celebration because  _hey, everybody loved cake, right?_ Especially chocolate, and she could see it now; they'd call her amazing, thank her profusely and then eat them with gusto.

The ridiculous, far-fetched image brought a small smile onto her lips. She could  _do_ this, and with that positive image in mind, she readied her brush, looked back down at the page and lost herself within her art once again.

" _Wow!"_  An enthusiastic, near deafening voice suddenly breathed against her ear. "That truly is an amazing piece of-"

Heart leaping out of her chest and practically soaring off into the sky, she screamed and flailed, bashing the edge of her sketchbook against the offender's nose in the process. There was a startled yelp, followed by a loud thump and she scrambled up onto her knees, panicking because  _please don't be who I think you are_ and whirled around, then covered her mouth with both hands, gasping because  _oh sweet lord in heaven you are._

Gai was sitting on the ground, one hand propping himself up while the other clutched his nose, eyes half closed in pain. "-art." He finished with a grimace, then pulled his hand away and wriggled his nose around, testing the level of pain.

And then there was blood, causing a look of pure horror to flash across her face before she hastily sprang into action, apology after apology pouring out of her mouth as she dug through her backpack for a tissue.

"There is no need to apologise," he reassured her, watching as she then shoved the backpack aside and crawled towards him, tissue in hand. "I was just so amazed by your drawing that I was unable to control myself. I didn't mean to frighten you." He smiled through the pain, then leaned closer and lowered his voice, as if letting her in on a secret. "You are very talented."

His compliment, along with the fact that he didn't seem at all bothered by his injury, stunned her so much that in her haste to give him aid, her knuckles bumped against his nose none too gently, prompting another pained yelp from him and he reared back, clutching his nose once more.

"Oh my  _god!"_ she choked out, retracting her hand as if burned. "I'm  _so_ sorry! I'm so,  _so_ sorry! It's just, my  _hand-_ and you, I mean- I-I-" she verbally fumbled, face growing as red as her headband and just as she was about to fumble some more, he reached out and touched her arm, silencing her.

"Don't worry about it," he said earnestly, voice muffled by his hand. "It was an accident." He smiled again, then perked up some. "Hey!" He sat up straight, making her jump at his sudden burst of energy. "Now I can see your medical ninjutsu!" He then rambled on about how Choza-sensei had told him all about it, but she was so distracted by the blood seeping through the bandages on his hand that she didn't hear a word. "Is it true?"

She snapped her eyes back up to his. "Huh?"

"That you are very good for your age," he repeated.

She stared at him incredulously, too shocked by his ability to find something positive about an injury to even think of an appropriate response, but the stark red against the white soon spurred her on. "Just… come  _here,"_ she ordered urgently, reaching for him,  _slowly this time_ and he leaned into her touch, trusting her completely.

Bless his youthful soul.

She held the tissue under his nose, guilt crashing into her at the sight. Red. There was a whole lot of red.  _Great first impression, dumbass._ She touched her other hand against the side of his nose, fingertips glowing green as she channelled chakra through his skin to repair the damage.

He watched her mortified yet concentrated face with interest, fascination growing the more the pain subsided. "It  _is_ true," he commented once she had finished, grinning widely.

She continued to wipe away the blood, blushing furiously and avoiding his eyes, then shrugged modestly, not used to such praise.

"So," another voice suddenly spoke out and she jerked her head around, startled. Genma stood there, looking down at her with an amused, lazy smirk, apparently having been there all along. He removed the senbon from his mouth, gestured towards Gai with it. "Two guys in two days," he said, referring to her assault on a certain masked douche the day before. "Am I next?"

Her eyebrows slowly crept upwards in surprise, and it was then she realised just how comical her situation was. He had joked about it, which gave her some insight to his personality. He seemed like the type that enjoyed banter and if she played her cards right, they could quite possibly get on like a house on fire because there looked to be a potential friendship there. So, taking a leap of faith, she decided to test the waters, hoping that what she was about to say didn't blow up in her face.

She gave him a playful, hesitant smile. "Don't tempt me."

His smirk grew wider, more crooked. "I'll have to be on my guard," he joked, placing the senbon back between his teeth.

Bingo.

She laughed shyly, then eyed him some more. He didn't  _look_ like an evil mastermind, but then again, looks could be deceiving. He raised an eyebrow in response to her scrutiny and, concluding that she was being  _ridiculous,_ she turned back towards Gai to wipe away the last remnants of blood, but paused when she met his eyes.  _He_ was scrutinising  _her_ , appearing to have not looked away from her at all and suddenly, she felt a little self-conscious. She averted her eyes and once she had finished, she kept them averted. It was only when he thanked her did she raise them.

"You're welcome," she replied, nodding once. He touched his nose in awe, bringing the bloodied bandages into her eyeline and she sighed, feeling shitty again. "I ruined your bandages," she said guiltily, waving her hand towards them.

"Oh! No harm done," he told her cheerfully, pulling an extra set out of nowhere. "I have spares." He then proceeded to change them, completely oblivious to her wide, perplexed stare.

"Oh," she laughed awkwardly, sending a glance Genma's way. He didn't look surprised by this sorcery; his face remained unchanged, as if he had witnessed it a thousand times before. "Well… great," she said, giving Gai a small, bemused smile before clearing her throat, ready to change the subject. "So… I, well… I kinda wanted to make a good first impression, but, well…  _that_ happened..." She felt her face heat up again.  _Moving on._ "So, I brought you both a piece of cake." She rummaged through her backpack, then pulled out two plastic containers, looked back and forth between them hopefully. "Do you want them?"

Genma was the first to take his. He nodded in thanks before stuffing it into the pocket of his large, navy coat, the blank, almost bored looking expression on his face so much like her brother's it was eerie. She smiled at him, then looked at Gai, realising he had yet to take his, only to see him reaching for it at a much slower pace. She gave him an odd look, watching as he hesitantly took it from her hands, staring down at the lid with wide eyes. A long, silent moment passed before he raised them, looking amazed as if she had just declared him the fourth hokage.

"This is the most appreciated cake in the village, Asami." He held her gaze, held up the container to emphasise his gratitude. "Thank you."

The first response that popped into her head was  _are you real?_

She had never been around such an oddball before and she couldn't help but crack a grin, fond of him already. "You're welcome."

* * *

**. . .**

* * *

Choza arrived minutes later and when he spotted the container on Gai's lap, he put his hands onto his hips, cocked his head to the side and raised a questioning eyebrow. "Where is my piece?"

Silence.

A very awkward silence, one in which Asami spent staring up at him, eyes wide in near panic. It didn't even occur to her to bring him a piece; she had been too busy fretting over whether her teammates would like her or not to even spare him a single thought. Her mouth opened and closed several times as she struggled to put her jumbled thoughts full of excuses into words, but then he burst out laughing, his serious expression melting away to that of amusement and, realising he was joking, she felt instant relief, began laughing along with him, albeit awkwardly.

"Good morning, Asami," he said with a smile, but when the bloodied bandages on the ground beside Gai caught his eye, it faltered as he grew concerned. "What happened?"

And back was the panic.

Taking note of her distress, Gai immediately took it upon himself to play hero, but his mind struggled to come up with a believable answer, eventually settling for a very lame, "I fell down."

"As Asami's sketchbook fell up," Genma said offhandedly, proving himself to be the villain in this scenario. Asami and Gai gaped at him, shocked by his betrayal. He was staring ahead of himself with a tiny smirk on his face, completely aware of their eyes and loving it, but when he looked back at them, he acted surprised, as if he hadn't a clue why they were staring. "What?"

"Well," Choza intervened, nipping whatever this was in the bud before it escalated into god knows what. "As long as Gai is okay, that's all that matters," he reasoned, then clapped his hands together, ready to get started. "Right, let's get on with it." He looked at Asami's slightly red face, smiling again. "Are you ready for your test, Asami?"

She quickly got to her feet, began brushing imaginary dirt off her shirt out of sheer nervousness before standing to attention. "Y-Yes!" she said a little louder than necessary, which increased the heat in her cheeks tenfold.

Smooth.

Gai stood, too. "Sensei, if I may…" he interjected, receiving a nod of consent. "This test determines whether we're worthy of staying on the  _team…"_ He traded a glance with Genma before looking back at him, growing a tad uncertain. "But how would that work, since Genma and I already passed it last year?"

"Good question, but you don't need to worry about that," Choza assured them. "This is actually a different test, one Asami will be taking on her own."

A solo  _test?_

Asami frowned, struggled to wrap her head around his logic. Surely, when someone joined a team, the test would involve all three members to evaluate how well they worked together, so what would a solo test accomplish? She was on the verge of asking him, but he spoke before she could gather the courage.

"As for why you're  _here,"_ he continued, gesturing towards both her teammates. "You will both be taking part, but only to show her how it's done. Two examples are better than none."

Gai was silent, pensive, brought a finger to his chin as he mulled it over, whereas Genma remained indifferent. "Interesting," Gai then said, crossing his arms and tilting his head. "And what, exactly, is this test?"

"It's simple, really," Choza said, looking directly at Asami now. He held up one finger, paused for dramatic effect. "You have to land one hit on me. Just one."

Asami released a breath she didn't know she had been holding, feeling instant relief at the simplicity of it, but when her brain eventually put two and two together, all she felt was dread.

Landing one hit… that meant taijutsu, right?

She swallowed nervously, began fiddling with the ends of her sleeves. "That's… taijutsu?" she managed to ask out loud and when he nodded, her hopes of passing all but dwindled into nothing. She couldn't  _do_ taijutsu! If he knew about her medical ninjutsu, then surely he knew about that! She swallowed again, prepared to say something else, to protest, plea with him – anything, but then a strong hand suddenly slammed against her shoulder blade in what was meant to be an encouraging gesture, only succeeding in scaring the living daylights out of her as she stumbled forwards.

She quickly caught herself and turned around, hand covering her furiously beating heart. Gai was staring at her in shock, hand still positioned where her shoulder had been, but then he brought it back to himself, looked down at it with wide eyes, wondering if he had acquired some form of super strength overnight when in reality she was just freakishly weak.

"Uhh…" He frowned in confusion, then laughed somewhat sheepishly. "My apologies! I didn't mean to, uhh…" he trailed off, then shook himself. "I'm sure you will do fine!" he exclaimed, looking at her with eyes that believed in her one hundred percent, and then some.

She gave him a weak smile, though it looked more like a grimace because honestly, she wasn't so sure.

"You will have one hour to do so," Choza cut in, bringing her attention back to him. "If you succeed, then you will have earned yourself an official spot on the team."

"And if I don't…?" she asked, fearing the worst, though the answer was obvious.

"Well… we'll cross that bridge when we get to it." He put his hands onto his hips, getting down to business. "Now, which one of you wants to go first?" he asked, looking back and forth between her teammates.

A very enthused chorus of "me, me, me's" redirected his gaze from a very bored, uninterested looking Genma to a very excited, extremely interested looking Gai, who was waving his arm around energetically. "Pick me!"

Expecting as much, Choza nodded. "Alright." His eyes then drifted back to Asami. "Make sure you pay close attention." And then he walked further into the field, gesturing for Gai to follow with a wave of his hand and when he trailed after him, Asami froze in shock. What met her eyes was Gai's very prominent behind, completely sculpted by the tightness of his jumpsuit, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination and her eyes darted to and from said behind, not knowing where to look. But like all odd sights, she found she couldn't look away, that is, until a teasing voice broke the spell.

"Like what you see?" Genma asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Asami gaped at him again, face reddening, then turned away because  _no_ she absolutely did  _not_ and proceeded to block him out as she focused her attention back onto Choza and Gai, who were currently getting into their stances.

Choza glanced over to make sure she was watching before giving Gai the go ahead, who then swiftly disappeared from sight, reappearing behind Choza not a second later with his leg aimed for his upper-back. Choza, seemingly having eyes in the back of his head, dodged with equal swiftness, and then continued to do so, over and over again and just as she was about to feel confident because hey, if Gai couldn't hit him, then she had nothing to worry about, he managed to land a kick on Choza's arm around the fifteen-minute mark, ending his demonstration.

"You've improved," Choza pointed out, impressed.

Gai beamed at the compliment. "Thank you, sensei," he replied, bowing.

Choza smiled, then turned his head. "Genma," he shouted, waving him over.

Genma walked out into the field, his body language radiating pure confidence and she had to wonder if he was actually as good as he portrayed himself to be. He just looked so  _relaxed,_ like he already had this in the bag and when his demonstration began, he proved that he very well did. He was fast – not  _Gai_ -level fast, but it was close enough as he was able to keep Choza on his toes, and apart from a brief misunderstanding of the rules where he had reached for his senbon with the intention of using it and Choza warning him  _not_  to, he had been impressive and managed to end the match in just under twenty-five minutes. He would have finished sooner, but without the senbon added to the equation he had to rethink his strategy, eventually working it out by predicting where Choza was going to land next, and striking the spot before he did.

She had watched the whole thing in awe, feeling horribly insignificant in comparison. He was amazing;  _both_ of them were, and all she could think was  _how can I compete with them?_ She couldn't even hit her  _brother,_ let alone a fully trained  _Jonin,_ and the fact that her status as a genin depended on that one hit terrified her. She felt like she was being set up for failure from the get-go and before she could even think up a whole new game plan, Choza was already waving her over.

Breathing in deep, and then out, she closed her eyes, worked on settling her nerves. If she was going to fail, then she was going to fail with dignity, so she schooled her expression, raised her head high and marched out into that field, her hard, determined eyes hiding just how scared she actually was.

"When you're ready," Choza said, getting into a defensive stance.

Good lord, he was intimidating.

Their size difference was  _massive_ and when she lunged at him, she felt like a kitten trying to claw at the ankles of a t-rex. It didn't help that she was clumsy, tripping over her own two feet whenever she made a sharp turn. He was just so  _fast,_ dodging every single attack with ease and in her desperate attempt to keep up with him, she ran out of breath pretty quickly and by the end of the hour, she was almost dead on her feet. Her legs were buckling, but she managed to remain upright because she refused to show any more weakness than she already had and met his eyes unflinchingly, waiting for that inevitable nail to slam down into her coffin, growing more bitter the longer he stared at her, scrutinised her.

But her bitterness wasn't aimed at him, no.

Thoughts of her father lurked in the back of her mind, crawled their way to the fore and a small part of herself blamed him, in that moment, for not being there enough, for not setting his paperwork aside for one  _minute_ to teach her these things. Instead, he locked himself away in his office twenty-four-seven, forcing her to rely on her  _ten_ -year-old brother who, to put it bluntly, sucked at teaching.

Treading into dangerous territory, she ended that train of thought then and there because she was becoming childish, throwing an inward tantrum and pointing her finger at another person to make up for her failure. It was fitting, given her outward appearance – her mind matching the body for once.

"I know what you're thinking," Choza said, finally breaking his long, calculating silence and she raised an eyebrow, highly doubting that. "You think you have failed, don't you?"

And the doubt was gone.

"Yes," she said quietly, confused by his oddly worded question. It was giving her mixed messages, and be it her imagination or not, it almost sounded like she… hadn't?

But that was absurd. Her performance had been pitiful.

"You didn't fail," he told her, and her heart gave a little jump. "But you didn't pass, either."

His expression was hard to read, but his tone implied some deeper meaning and she frowned, not really knowing what to make of it. She was about to ask, but Gai beat her to the punch, materialising by her side like the magician he was.

"What do you mean, sensei?"

Choza's eyes went to him briefly. "This test was a trial," he explained, looking back at her shocked face. "The real test is six weeks from now."

Asami's eyes widened. What the-

"Why six weeks?" Genma asked, sauntering over and stopping between her and Gai.

Choza kept his eyes on Asami this time. "Because that should give you enough time to prepare for it," he told her directly, like she had been the one to ask and she blinked, surprised by his generosity. "I knew you struggled with taijutsu, but I wanted to determine just how  _much_ you struggled before deciding on how long to give you. Will six weeks be enough?"

She honestly didn't know, but not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, she squared her shoulders, nodding. "Yeah," she said with newfound determination, vowing to make it enough. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good." He smiled, seeming pleased with her answer. "Unfortunately, I won't be around much because I'll be heading up a mission for the hokage," he said, earning a confused, disappointed look in return. "But if you have any questions, I'm sure these two will fill you in." At that, she glanced their way to see them looking about as confused as she felt. Noticing this, he was quick to explain. "You're a member of the team for  _now,_ so I expect you to attend missions. However, your position isn't set in stone, so train hard, but don't push yourself  _too_ hard," he instructed and she nodded, showing she understood. "Good." He held up his hand, like he was saying goodbye. "I look forward to seeing your improvement."

And then he disappeared, leaving a cloud of smoke in his wake.

She glanced around the grounds in surprise, but then paused when something seemed to  _click_. His words from earlier finally began to register in her mind and she slowly looked back at the now empty space, eyes wide in disbelief.

_Did… did my father just steal my sensei?_

* * *

**Later That Day**

* * *

Gai had taken Choza's words to heart because he immediately developed a training regime that would increase her strength, speed and stamina. It was a little overwhelming, the rate at which he spoke; he hardly stopped for breath and the sheer amount of information he threw at her in such a short amount of time had her reeling, but she wasn't complaining. She needed all the help she could get, so she became his muse – his  _student_  as he so zealously put it and he vowed that by the time he was through with her, she would be able to land that hit and then they would celebrate with even  _more_ training.

She gave Genma a mildly startled glance because celebratory  _training?_

But he didn't look at her; just stared at the ground between them, the ghost of a smirk on his lips and something told her it was at her expense. She would have called him on it, but she could feel Gai's eyes virtually laser beaming through her skull, so she looked back at his eagerly waiting face, feeling a little put on the spot. "Uhh..."

He wasn't deterred by her hesitance. "It will be fun," he insisted, then gave her a thumbs up. "I will make sure you have the time of your life."

She stared at him dumbly, in awe of what he called fun, then slowly huffed out a laugh, looking down and shaking her head. "Sure," she said, shrugging, looking back into his eyes, tiny smile on her face. "Why not?"

"Excellent!" Gai exclaimed, punching the air. "We have an exciting six weeks ahead of us!"

It was then Genma's grin revealed itself in all of its sadistic glory because she hadn't a clue what she was getting herself into.

And she didn't.

She  _really_  didn't because the weeks that followed were absolute fucking  _torture_.

Gai loaned her his lightest set of weights, the ones he had used when he was  _five_ and the moment he attached them to her, she immediately regretted her decision. It felt like a pair of elephants had latched onto her ankles and much to her horror, he insisted she wear them every day and once she was able to move with ease, he would then loan her the next set.

Genma had been there for the whole exchange, not even bothering to hide his amusement when she muttered out a reluctant "great..." while looking over at him with eyes that screamed  _save me_.

But there would be no saving; only watching and smirking as she dragged her feet around the village, putting up a tough front despite her constant huffing and puffing.

They could see through it, but made no comment.

Instead, Gai showered her with encouraging words, gave her speeches about youth and the like, thoroughly invested in his temporary role as sensei, while Genma… well, while Genma made her want to shove her foot firmly up his-

She wasn't blind to his eyes, nor was she blind to the slight upturn of his lips whenever she released a rather loud huff. So, she gave him her fair share of evils as they travelled between missions, most of which were aimed at the back of his head as she was unable to match his pace. Even now, one week later, she threw him the occasional glare as she powered through a rather strenuous set of push ups. He was seated against a nearby tree, stabbing his senbon through one of the grapes on his lap before popping it into his mouth.

They had recently finished a mission and decided take a break before reporting back to the hokage, but tragically, Gai's idea of taking a break was  _more goddamn training_. He had gone to fetch them some water, but not before instructing her to complete fifty push ups by the time he got back. He then turned towards Genma, requesting he keep count before taking off into the trees.

Genma gave his back a mock salute, then tilted his head towards Asami, grinning lopsidedly and raising a brow as if to say  _well?_ Dying inside, she grudgingly obliged, providing more entertainment for the team's jokester.

She was currently nearing the end of her twentieth push up when her arms gave out beneath her, but she managed to summon enough strength in time to save herself from face-planting the ground. There was a snort to her right and she ground her teeth together, shot an annoyed glance in his direction as she steadied her arms.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" she asked grouchily.

"Nope," was his blunt reply.

She took a beat to catch her breath, looked at him again as she did so. He stabbed another grape and after observing him for a few seconds, it occurred to her that she had never seen him without that senbon, like ever, which sparked her curiosity some.

"What's with the senbon?" she asked, resuming her push ups. "Are you in love with it or something?"

He swallowed the grape he had been chewing, then raised the senbon slightly, gestured towards it with a tilt of his head. "We're getting married in the summer."

The corners of her mouth twitched a little.

"Was that a smile I saw?" he teased.

"Nope," was  _her_ blunt reply.

"You sure about that?" he asked, not buying it.

"One hundred percent," she said breathlessly, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing he had amused her when she was supposed to be mad at him. "That was the most unfunny thing I've ever heard in my life," she told him, voice coming out deadpan and uninterested. "You should really work on your humour."

He hummed contemplatively, looking down at his lap. "I'll be sure to do that," he agreed, stabbing yet another grape, then looked back at her, face taking on a cocky expression. "After the wedding."

She stared hard at the ground, tensed her jaw as she forced back a smile, but when it became apparent she was fighting a losing battle, she turned her head away from him to hide it. He didn't comment, just continued to eat his grapes with a smug, knowing gleam in his eye.

He had won, and she knew it, too.

Curses.

* * *

**. . .**

* * *

Two minutes and sixteen push ups later, her energy had depleted to the point she was unable to continue and she collapsed onto the grass with a thud and a groan. "I can't feel my arms," she panted, rolling onto her back.

"Want me to feel them for you?"

She exhaled heavily, closing her eyes. "Shut  _up,"_ she said exasperatedly, then gave him a sharp look. "Can't you be serious for  _five_ minutes?  _Jesus."_

"That would be a negative."

This fucker…

"Well  _try_ because I'm  _this_ close to taking that senbon and stabbing you in the eye with it," she said warningly, pinching her finger and thumb together to show just how close.

He held up one hand in surrender, feigned fear. "Alright, Satan," he wisecracked and she stared him down, unamused. There was a long silence before he held out a handful of grapes to make it all better. "Grape?"

Rolling her eyes, she pushed herself up into a sitting position despite her protesting muscles and levelled him with a suspicious, mildly accusing stare. "You knew, didn't you?"

He made himself more comfortable against the tree, then threw a grape into the air. "Knew what?" he asked after he caught it in his mouth, playing innocent.

"You  _knew_ Gai's training was hell," she said darkly, her stare unwavering, forceful. He ran his tongue over his teeth, purposefully dragged out the silence before his eyes went to hers lazily. And then he smirked that stupid, lopsided smirk, the one that made her want to rip it off his face and slap him with it every time he sent it her way because it was just so  _smug_ looking, as if he were laughing at some inside joke and she leaned closer, injected venom into her voice, done with it all. "A heads up would have been nice!"

He was silent for a moment, smirk fading, and then with a seriousness she didn't know he possessed because frankly, he was a sarcastic little dipshit, he asked, "would you be here right now if I had?"

She frowned, not sure what he was getting at. "Well,  _yeah,_ but-"

"Then I don't see the problem," he said bluntly.

"You don't see the  _problem?"_ she asked in disbelief. "I need time to mentally prepare myself for these things,  _thank you very much."_

"You're welcome," he replied, picking his teeth with the senbon, staring at the trees opposite.

"I'm serious, Genma," she said curtly, in no mood for his jokes. At her tone, he looked at her sidelong, paused his hand when he saw her hard expression. "I don't manage well being thrown into something I know nothing about, especially something so intense," she explained. "It just makes it harder." His long, calculating stare implied he had zero understanding of her point of view and she scoffed, shook her head and looked down, growing more annoyed because of his ignorance. "You know," she said after a brief silence, looking back up at him. "I think you just wanted to see me suffer."

"There may be some truth to that," he admitted with a shrug, the slightest smirk his face.

Asami rolled her eyes again, mumbled something that sounded like "figures" under her breath before looking away, mouth set into a thin line as she tugged at a clump of grass beside her.

He watched her for a moment, then sighed and leaned forwards, tried to get her to look at him. "Look, I'm sorry, alright? I didn't mean anything by it, if that's what you're thinking." She kept her eyes on the grass, but he knew she was listening. "The main reason I didn't tell you was because I didn't want to scare you off."

 _That_ caught her attention; her eyes, although remaining on the grass, moved a fraction in his direction.

"I thought if you knew what you were getting into, you would give up and hightail it back to the academy," he told her and she made a face, telling  _him_ his reasoning was absurd. "In my head, not telling you guaranteed you here, now, and could also guarantee you an official spot on the team, if you succeed. But I guess I was wrong." He paused, frowned perplexedly. "Sort of…"

He still didn't understand, she could tell.

But that wasn't what caused her to look up, wasn't what caused her low self-esteem to breach the surface. His unexpected admission shocked her, sparked some hope inside. "Wait," she said, looking into his eyes, hesitating for a second. "So... you actually  _want_ me on the team?"

He shrugged, began poking through the last remaining grapes on his lap. "It's either you or Ebisu, and between you and me, that guy gives me the creeps."

"Ebisu?" she asked, confused.

"The guy who was on the team before you."

Her eyes went wide because that was news to  _her._ But then again, it made sense, in a way. They obviously had another team member during the series, but her presence must have caused a butterfly effect, resulting in his absence. She hadn't a clue how, though, since she had never met the guy, but the world worked in stupid, mysterious ways and she was done dwelling on the small details.

Screw the universe.

Genma glanced up when his statement met silence, figured by her lost expression that she wanted an explanation. "We didn't get along, which put a strain on the team," he continued, remembering the countless times Gai had to play peacemaker. "Long story short, he ended up being sent back to the academy to re-learn the basics. I don't know if he's still there or what, but if you fail then there's a chance he could re-join us, and I'd rather he didn't." He was silent for a moment, nose scrunched in distaste at the thought, then sent her a look. "So yeah, I want you on the team."

She should have been happy.

He had answered her question in the way she had hoped, but at the same time, not. The words were correct, but the feeling wasn't there, so instead of happiness, she felt disappointment. She became crestfallen, believing herself to be the lesser of two evils and looked down, cursing the sad, pathetic part of herself that needed approval, craved acceptance.

He saw her change and, realising that wasn't exactly the right way to put it, he plucked up one of the grapes and aimed it at her forehead to assure her otherwise. But his plan backfired because the grape was wet and slipped out of his fingers, the end result hitting her in the eye.

Hard.

He straightened immediately, wincing at the sound it made, watching as she yelped and leaned forwards, clutching at it before looking up at him murderously.

"What the  _hell?!"_

He laughed.

Loud.

Though it actually came out sounding more like a  _pfft_ and her visible eye narrowed, daring him to continue. He quickly composed himself, cleared his throat and looked at her apologetically. " _Wow,"_ he said, voice changing in pitch as he forced back another laugh. "I didn't mean to do that, I swear. I was aiming for your forehead, but I missed."

"You don't  _say,"_ she said sarcastically, removing her hand to reveal a red, watery, bloodshot eye. "Thank you for pointing that out. I wouldn't have noticed otherwise." She blinked several times – fucking  _ouch,_ then frowned, gave him a dirty look. "Why were you even  _throwing_  one at me in the first place?"

"I was  _trying_ to get your attention," he explained, still fighting a laugh.

"You  _do_ realise I have a name?" She gingerly covered her eye, fingers glowing green, staring at him grumpily through the other. "Now, what is it? What do you want?"

He took in a deep breath, managed to calm himself enough to speak. "I wanted to  _tell_ you to stop worrying."

She stared at him wordlessly, feeling a strong sense of déjà vu, seeing her brother in her mind's eye. He was sat at the breakfast table, watching her knowingly after the napkin had bounced off her forehead and suddenly, his words came to her in a rush.

_Stop worrying._

_Just be yourself._

_Everything will be fine_.

Words Genma then expressed to her, but in his own way. "What I said before… it came out wrong. I  _do_ want you on the team, so don't go doubting yourself, alright? You're better than you give yourself credit for." Pain momentarily forgotten, she hung onto every word, her low self-esteem receding. "Plus, you're fun to tease," he added with a smirk and surprisingly, she didn't want to slap him with this one.

A cute, tiny smile spread across her face and she looked away, embarrassed, though exceedingly grateful for his kindness, even if he was only humouring her. "Thank you," she said quietly, trying not to show just how much of an effect his words had on her as she tended to her eye. Once the pain subsided, she had to admit, it  _was_ pretty funny, so she adopted one of his mischievous, teasing smirks, giving him a taste of his own medicine. "You have really suckish aim," she pointed out, then snickered at his offended expression. "I mean, Gai told me you were one of the best, but I don't-"

As if summoned into existence by the mere mention of his name, Gai sprang into the clearing, his loud, distinctive voice scaring her half to death. "Do  _not_ tell me you have finished early?!" He yelled, skidding to a stop before her, bending forwards with his hands on his hips and shoving his face closer to her own, staring at her with intense, suspicious eyes.

"Uhh…" was all she could manage as she leaned backwards to regain some of her personal space. Crap. She had completely forgotten about that. "Um, well, you  _see-"_

"She didn't," Genma suddenly piped up, coming to her rescue. Asami peered around Gai in shock because that was the  _last_ thing she would have expected from  _him,_ while Gai simultaneously craned his neck towards him, scanning his face for any sign of deceit. "She completed all fifty," he lied and she could have sworn she heard angels singing  _hallelujah_.

Gai hummed thoughtfully, then straightened, turning back towards her. "My mistake," he admitted, flashing her an apologetic smile before dipping his hand into the plastic bag he held, seconds later pulling out a small, pocket sized bottle of water. "Here, you deserve this," he said proudly, holding it out to her.

Asami took it without hesitation, feeling absolutely no guilt whatsoever about their lie because she was too tired and was just relieved to have finally caught a break. "Thanks," she said, quickly unscrewing the cap and gulping most of it down.

"You are most welcome," Gai replied, handing one over to Genma before plonking down onto the grass between them, unscrewing his own cap.

Asami wiped her mouth with her sleeve, meeting Genma's eyes from behind their very oblivious teammate, both of them breaking out into tiny, knowing smirks, and it was then their relationship shifted into something greater. Instead of smirking and glaring, their silences were filled with conversation; they would trade jokes back and forth and when he was feeling generous, he would give her the occasional tip on how to cope with Gai's training, which made the following weeks that little more bearable.

Gai would observe them quietly from the corner of his eye, wondering just  _why_ she seemed to gravitate more towards Genma than himself, but then he realised that his sensei-like approach had earned him somewhat of a sensei/student-like relationship, and adding to the fact that they hadn't actually talked about anything other than  _training…_ well, it was no wonder it had turned out that way. So, he became more lenient, allowed her to rest more often and would spend their breaks developing his own relationship with her, discussing their hobbies, likes and dislikes, etc.

This came as a pleasant surprise to Asami, because usually she was unable to initiate conversation without him ordering her to do more exercises, so it was a nice change. However, his first attempt had been rather alarming because he was unskilled and didn't know what to do or say, so when he changed the subject that very first time, he unfortunately had a brain fart and blurted out the first thing that came to mind, something so random and unrelated to  _anything_ that it completely threw her for a loop.

They had been lapping the training grounds on their hands one morning and he had been kind enough to match his pace with hers so she didn't feel bad about her lack of speed, but as the morning wore on and she began to struggle, he thought he would show her some more kindness and gave her some advice.

"You need to keep your arms steady," he told her and she instantly bristled.

" _You_ need to keep your arms steady," she retorted childishly. It was one of many bad habits, throwing back whatever was said to her whenever she felt pressured, threatened, or downright nervous.

"Well, if you would turn your head to the left, you will see that I am," he replied confidently.

She didn't respond because talking only made it harder to breathe, and instead focused on getting herself to the finish line… at the other end of the village.

 _Time of my life, my left ass cheek_.

His eyes darted towards her occasionally, thinking that maybe  _now_ was the perfect time to execute his plan because she looked about ready to drop dead on the spot, and Genma was nowhere to be seen. "Would you like to take a break?" he asked minutes later, having finally gathered the courage to converse like a normal human being.

She almost stumbled in shock. "Really?" she asked skeptically, wondering if she had misheard.

He dropped his legs down into a crouch, springing up onto his feet soon after with his arms stretched high above his head, bones cracking audibly. "Of course," he said after a long, satisfied sigh, then smiled down at her. "You look like you could use one."

 _Oh, thank god,_ she thought, flopping backwards onto the grass, breathing heavily. "Thank you," she said, shooting him a grateful smile before looking up at the clear, blue sky, cursing the sun and its unbearable, sweltering heat.

"No problem," he replied, smiling still, but then it faded as they fell into silence, and it was then he found himself at a roadblock. In his head, their conversation went swimmingly, but confronted with the real thing, seeing her there in person wiped his mind clean and he looked down at her helplessly, at a loss for what to say. But then the silence stretched, long and uncomfortable, and he began to feel the pressure. "Turtles breathe out of their anus."

Her reaction did nothing to ease the nerves brought on by his fuckery because she had paused, blinked, then slowly looked over at him, eyes wide and confused as if he had just announced he was secretly a girl. "…Is that so?"

He panicked, scrambled to save himself. "I-I mean, not  _all_ of them," he laughed awkwardly, and when she raised an eyebrow he coughed and looked away, red-faced. "Just some…" he trailed off, his voice barely audible on the last word as his confidence waned.

There was nothing but silence, then – an incredibly painful one as he stared down at the grass, wishing a bolt of lightning would strike him where he stood… but then there was a sound. It started off quiet at first, and he thought he had imagined it, but then it grew louder in volume and he turned, hopeful, to see her clutching her stomach, laughing, and suddenly his situation didn't look so bad.

"Where did you learn that?" she asked breathlessly, dabbing the corners of her now damp eyes with her sleeve.

His expression changed to surprise. "Oh, I read it in one of my father's books," he explained. "I couldn't sleep one night, and it was  _there,_ so..."

She nodded, struggling to stay composed. "Well, thank you for that interesting piece of knowledge," she said, her voice coming out strained. "I'm sure it will come in handy one day."

"Y-You're welcome," he was quick to say, truly believing he had done her a service. He looked so serious about it, which pushed her over the edge and she began laughing again, bringing a gradual, intrigued smile to his face. He slowly sat down beside her, watching as her shoulders shook and he realised that he had never actually heard this sound.

Sure, Genma made her laugh, but not like this.

Never like this.

And he found that he couldn't look away from her flushed face, couldn't stop listening to her laughter because it was a lovely sound, more lovely than anything he had ever heard and he swallowed, confused by his thoughts, confused by this feeling. She dabbed at her eyes again before looking back at him and, feeling caught, he snapped his eyes downwards, began to fidget and tug at a loose strand on his bandages. But then her laughter faded and he glanced back up, saw her smiling at him and despite the thumping in his chest, he managed to return it.

From that day onwards, they only grew closer – so close, in fact, that she couldn't picture herself without him –  _o_ _r_ Genma. She cared about them both deeply, and their presence filled the void left behind by Rin and Obito, though not completely because they could never be replaced, but her teammates lessened the emptiness she felt during their absence because although she  _did_ see them, it just wasn't as often.

They had obligations to their teams and had different schedules, so it was difficult finding the time between missions and training to hang out, but whenever they had the chance they would have picnics in her garden, much like they had done the day Obito had promised to find her. They would sit on her porch and exchange stories; she would tell them about her training, her teammates and all of the hilarious moments she had experienced with them, and they would do the same, but sugar-coat them so as not to upset her with the mention of a certain someone. It was kind of them to do so, but she refused to let even the simplest thing like his  _name_ get to her, not when meeting him again was inevitable, so she assured them it was fine.

Little did she know; she had helped herself in the long run because she became immune to all things  _Kakashi_. Hearing his name over and over again had thickened her skin, hardened her heart and when she saw him again four weeks after their incident, she had been delighted to discover his words –  _and_ presence – held no power over her emotions anymore, and if it weren't for her brother and his ridiculously unsubtle actions giving away his location, then she wouldn't have known it and would still believe herself to be the coward who hid behind a friend instead of facing her problems head on like a true shinobi.

They were stood beside an ice cream stand because upon returning home after a long, gruelling day of training, she had been disappointed to discover their freezer devoid of it, so after many,  _many_ exaggerated, overly depressed sighs, she managed to coerce Asuma into buying her some, which he willingly did, if only to shut her up.

How sweet.

She was inspecting the menu, reading over every flavour thoroughly like her life depended on it, while Asuma stood beside her with his hands in his pockets, watching her from the corner of his eye, his boredom and irritation increasing the longer she took.

"Just pick vanilla," he said with a mildly exasperated sigh.

She gave him a look. "I might not want vanilla."

"You  _always_ want vanilla," he countered.

"Shh. I'm concentrating," she said dismissively, waving her hand towards him as if to say  _shoo_.

He exhaled noisily and looked away, eyes lazily following the crowd as they walked on by, but then they sharpened and zeroed in on one person in particular when a familiar head of spiked up silver hair rounded the corner and stopped outside of the bookstore opposite. It was the first time he had seen the prick since Asami told him what happened, and watching him browse the store's collection through the window without a care in the world, when his sister had felt so much  _pain,_ caused an intense, protective rage to flare up inside and it took every ounce of his willpower not to march over there and pull him over – beat his face in, if need be.

He was tense, painfully so, because her story, now fresh in his mind, taunted him with the fact that he was powerless, bound by his promise to remain where he stood and he  _hated_ it.

"I've decided what I want," Asami said after a while, but she got no response. Curious, she glanced his way, saw his red, strained,  _extremely_  concentrated expression and frowned, craned her neck to see it better because it  _looked_ like he was struggling to hold something in, and  _surely_ it couldn't be what she was thinking. "Why do you look constipated?" He snapped his eyes to hers, momentarily caught off guard by her ridiculous assumption and she jerked her thumb towards a nearby restaurant, face showing mild disgust. "Because, you know… there's a bathroom  _right_ there."

He stared at her blankly, feeling so done. "I don't need the bathroom," he replied tersely, then took in a deep, calming breath, sending one last  _unsubtle_ glance in Kakashi's direction before turning back towards the menu. "What flavour did you want?" he asked, wanting to keep her distracted, but what he failed to realise was that he had quite literally pointed the way with his eyes, and when he looked back at her after receiving no response to see that she had followed their trail, he mentally kicked himself for being so careless. She was frozen in place; staring at Kakashi with a frighteningly blank expression, and to protect her – even though the damage had already been done, he clamped his hand down on top of her head and spun her around, back towards the menu. "Ice cream."

His gesture wasn't lost on her, but he had misunderstood because when she had seen him, she felt hate, sure, who wouldn't? But the pain was non-existent, and in that moment she realised that she was  _free_. Kakashi was no longer her kryptonite, and the revelation had stunned her, caused her to freeze up, and Asuma, getting the wrong end of the stick, mistook that for pain and didn't hesitate to shield her from it.

She peeked at him from the corner of her eye, unable to fully turn her head because of his hand, and when she saw that he was barely keeping himself in check, she broke out into a small, affectionate smile, feeling so much love for him because  _she_ felt loved. He was fighting to keep his promise for her sake and she inched towards him, wanting to take his mind off it. "I want vanilla," she told him, playfully elbowing him in the ribs and he looked down at her, surprised by how well she was taking it.

He thought she would have retreated back into her shell for a few hours, closed herself off from the world, but there she was, smiling up at him like she hadn't just seen her nemesis crawl up from the depths of hell. He found relief in her smile and ruffled her hair, purposefully dragged her headband down over her eyes as he pinched her nose. "Of course you do," he said, ignoring her loud "hey!" as he pulled several coins out of his pocket with his other hand.

She shoved his hand away and lifted her headband to see him placing the coins onto the counter, near the cash register. "What was that for?" she asked, trying – in vain – to put her headband back into its rightful position, pushing herself up onto her tiptoes to try and catch her reflection in the ice cream's display case to assess the damage to her hair, but alas, she was too short.

Damnit.

Asuma told the vendor which flavour she wanted, the only indication he had heard her being the amused look in his eyes, but when the vendor began scooping up a large chunk and they stood there, silent, his eyes went downwards. Being the significantly taller sibling, he was able to see her reflection and locked eyes with her, immediately smirking at her predicament. She was flattening down a few loose strands while glaring at  _his_ reflection, feeling an annoyance only a big brother could inspire and when he snorted, she didn't know whether to laugh or elbow him in the ribs again.

So, she did both.

* * *

**. . .**

* * *

The day of her test finally arrived, and she had never been more ready for anything in her entire life. It was a tough journey, getting there, because she had never experienced something so intense, so physically draining before. There were times where she felt like she couldn't go on and had even contemplated giving up, but thoughts of her brother strengthened her resolve, got her back onto her feet, and now, standing opposite Choza, she felt stronger, worthy. She felt like she belonged there, with them, and was ready to earn her place.

"Do you remember the rules?" Choza asked.

Her serious, concentrated expression didn't waver. "One hour," she said, sizing him up. "Taijutsu only."

He nodded. "When you're rea-" he started, but she was already charging at him, closing the distance in a matter of seconds. He jumped backwards, narrowly avoiding her attack and she tripped forwards, fist striking air. Surprised, he watched as she quickly regained her footing and barrelled towards him, pushing him further back into the field, not allowing more than a single foot to come between them.

"You can do it, Asami!" Gai cheered from the sidelines, and she fought on, determined to see it through to the end, and when her hand made contact with the brown, leather strap on his shoulder forty-five minutes later, she immediately distanced herself, leaping backwards until there was a good few feet between them. Chest heaving, she couldn't help but wonder if she had imagined it, but if Gai's suddenly louder cheering was anything to go by, she had done it.

It was astonishing, really, because if someone told her six weeks ago that she would be able to keep up with her sensei, she would have mentally slapped them for their idiocy. It took her a while to even notice a difference in her speed at  _all,_ and she had grown impatient, annoyed with herself.  _Baby steps,_ Gai had said, and when she eventually showed signs of improvement, her strength and stamina training transitioned into sparring matches, where he then coached her on how to move, where to strike, how to  _think,_ until they all became second nature.

Choza straightened himself, brushed the dirt off his grey, armoured chest piece before looking at her, his serious expression giving her the impression she had  _not_ done it, but then he smiled. "Well done, Asami," he said proudly, putting his hands onto his hips. "You are an official member of Team Choza." And just like that, a huge weight lifted off her shoulders and she stepped forwards, was seconds away from thanking him repeatedly, but then he shrugged. "Though you have been an official member for almost a week now…" he trailed off, looking downright mischievous.

Hold the phone.

"What?" she asked, squinting at him as if he had just developed a second head.

"Landing the hit was never the real test," he laughed, causing her eyebrows to shoot up in shocked confusion. "It was what you went through to get this far, with the help of your teammates. It was how well you worked together that secured you a place." His smile grew more devious, but there was pride in his eyes. "The reason I didn't tell you was because I wanted to see the end result. Your hard work paid off, but even if you had failed today, you would still be on the team."

It was a miracle.

A  _damn_ miracle and she didn't know how to respond. All this time… she was being  _tested,_ and for her to come out the other end with something to show for it, despite being oblivious to it all, floored her – well and truly floored her. But then she frowned as something occurred to her. "Wait," she said, taking a moment to catch her breath. "How do you know about any of this? You were away on a mission…"

"There was no mission," he said mischievously, crossing his arms and tilting his head to the side, smiling. "I've been following you around this whole time." His eyes then flickered over her shoulder towards Genma. "You need to work on your aim, by the way."

Realising that he was referring to  _that_ incident, she glanced over her shoulder, saw Genma's eyes widen before he deadpanned and looked away stubbornly.

"It was slippery," he mumbled defensively, and it was her turn to smirk at his expense.

Clueless to the whole thing, Gai moved onto more important matters. "If you don't mind me asking," he spoke from beside Genma, raising his hand to grab Choza's attention. "What made you decide to do the test this way?"

"Ebisu," he replied seriously, getting straight to the point.

Attention piqued, but not in a good way, Genma looked at him sidelong, eyes narrowing slightly. "What  _about_ Ebisu?"

Ignoring him, Choza brought his attention back down to Asami. "I didn't want to make the same mistake with you that I made with him."

She looked puzzled. "What mistake?"

"Ebisu was talented, but what he failed to realise was that skills were nothing without good teamwork. He was the cause of many..." He shared a brief, pointed glance with Genma.  _"...arguments,_ and eventually, his skills declined as a result. I realised, then, that one day was not enough to judge someone's character, or their ability to work as a team." She stared at him intently, her mind putting the pieces together. She had a feeling she knew where this was going. "So, when your father proposed that you join us, I proposed something in return – a different test from the norm, one that would allow me to judge you on those things over a span of time." He paused, thinking on how to handle this part delicately. "At the beginning, you were…  _unskilled,"_  he said, and she winced. Ouch. "But your determination, your  _drive_ to succeed, along with your willingness to accept help, and  _their_  willingness to help  _you_  allowed you to better yourself, and in the end you became stronger – the complete opposite to Ebisu." He smiled. "You belong here more than he does."

Asami could feel a smile spreading across her face. "Thank you," she breathed, trying her damned best not to cry. She could feel the prickling sensation behind her eyes, could feel the lump rising in her throat and she just about managed to suppress them, but then Gai came up by her side, placed his hand onto her shoulder, and knowing the part he played in her success, forced her tears to spill over out of gratitude.

"Well done, Asa-" he started, but then she whirled on him, breathing heavily through a brilliant, opened mouthed smile and he sucked in a breath, eyes widening at the sight she made. Pure happiness shone in her eyes, despite the tears rolling down her cheeks and before he could even process what was happening, she was charging towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck, her loud chorus of  _thank you's_ making him wince. But he didn't mind it, he realised, because the happiness he felt was far greater than any discomfort he could ever feel because she was there, and would continue to be. He stared at the ground in front of himself, her dark hair in the corner of his eye and slowly, very slowly, he brought his arms up and wrapped them around her as gently as he could, as if she was the most delicate creature in the entire world, heart fluttering wildly in his chest and he didn't  _understand_.

She pulled away from him and dashed her hand across her cheeks, laughing in embarrassment at her sudden outburst of emotion. But she had gotten so  _far…_ and feeling nothing but gratitude for him, she felt like she owed him, somehow. So, despite her better judgement, despite every nerve and every muscle begging her not to, she went ahead and asked the one question that could very well kill her off, but she was just too damn happy to care.

"Want to race to the end of the village?"

It took a moment for her question to register in his mind, but when it did, his odd, dazed expression gave way to excitement. "Yeah!" he shouted, feeling the adrenaline already. "If we leave now, we can make it back in time for nightfall!" He began to back away, gesturing for her to follow with several waves of his hand and she laughed, took a few steps forwards before she paused.

She turned back towards Choza, smiling up at him before giving him a thankful, respectful bow, to which he nodded in return. Spinning back around, she jogged to catch up with Gai, who upon seeing her approaching, leaped up into the trees and disappeared from sight. She was about to do the same, but then she skidded to a stop, her shoes scraping loudly against the ground before she slowly looked back over her shoulder at Genma, who was watching her with that ever-present bored expression, senbon bobbing up and down as he chewed the end of it.

But then his eyes widened in alarm as an evil looking smile crept onto her face. "Oh  _no,"_  she said darkly, marching towards him like a girl on a mission. "You're not sitting this one out!" She grabbed his sleeve and tugged him along after her, leaving no room for protest. "After all, we're a team now, right?" She looked back at him smugly, lowering her voice to a deadly whisper. "We all suffer  _together."_

He inwardly groaned.

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

_~so come on honey cut yourself to pieces,_  
come on honey give yourself completely,  
_and do it all although you can't believe it,_  
_youth knows no pain~_

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a monster! Longest one so far, at a whopping 11-12k! I honestly didn't expect it to turn out this long, but I'm a detail addict. I can't help it. I try to write simpler/shorter paragraphs because I feel like I drone on sometimes, but then once they're shortened, I feel like a shitty writer and end up bulking the description back up again. Vicious cycle, man. I think it's safe to say that this will be my writing style for the whole fic - description, description everywhere. There are a few things I'd like to reword, and maybe add in some places, but I've been reading/writing this every day for three months straight. My head is burnt out, and I'm really sick of looking at it. I'll come back to this chapter in a few months and clean it up a little, but for now, blah.
> 
> Since I can't fully judge my own work, I hope I managed to send the right message/hope it had the right effect. The goals I hope I achieved was - mental healing for Asami, her coming out of her shell and being accepted, her friendships developing in believable ways, accurate characterization for Gai and Genma(I hope I got them right. It's tough as hell getting into everyone's heads). Gai was fun to write, as always, and Genma... he was surprisingly more fun to write than I thought he'd be. It was difficult getting into the mindset of jokester, and I was actually stuck on his scene with Asami for one month. I just hope it wasn't for naught and you enjoyed him as much as me ^^
> 
> Time to address the elephant in the room - or in the fic(hah). Gai's feelings. I don't like spoiling things, but I think this needs to be spoiled because I don't want people who don't like the idea of Gai x Asami to freak out, and I don't want people who do like the idea of them to get their hopes up, only to be disappointed in the end. So here it is - Gai's feelings are completely one sided. Why? Because I caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. Plus, I've had her pairing/partner person planned out from day one(which was back in 2014), and Gai is not it. So fear not. Moving onto the fight scenes, the reason I summarised them is because they don't matter. They really don't. I want to get the plot moving, and that doesn't involve focusing on how fabulously she aimed a kick. She got better, that's all you need to know. There will be actual fight scenes in future, but for now, these chapters are mainly plot/friendship building, so please bear with me.
> 
> I wasn't ever planning on explaining Ebisu's absence... I was going to leave that to the imagination, but a reviewer on FF.Net was curious, so I worked it in here as best I could. Regarding reviews... I don't know what to doooooooo. I'd love to reply to you all, but I feel creepy/weird doing so, just flailing into your inbox uninvited. I was thinking about doing this: reading reviews and cherishing them always, thanking you all in my head until the end of time, and only replying to the ones who ask questions. What do you think? Is that rude? I don't really know the protocol for this. Now, about line breaks... (Jesus, red, shut up already). I would have only one line, but when using a phone on reading view, the lines don't show up which would lead to some confusion. So, that's where these . . . come in. I don't like them near text, above or below, so that's why there are two line breaks per scene change. I might stop in future, but for now, they stay. I think they look pretty, anyway.
> 
> Shoutout to grifman275, who again, put up with me sending him paragraph after paragraph, because I'm a stupid perfectionist(save me) and I need a readers opinion before I post.
> 
> Now, about the song. PERFECT, IS IT NOT? Go forth and listen, my children, and picture Gai throughout its entirety.
> 
> -redscarfninja


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